We finally got to meet her!

Saturday May 20^th, 2006 was a very special day for us. We met the birthmother who has chosen us to parent the little boy she is now carrying. Her name is Jesse. In our opinion, Jesse is the most beautiful person, both inside & out, whom we have ever met. We just have the most intense feeling of love and concern for her. We feel an overwhelming amount of gratitude and appreciation for her. Of course, I feel like there are not even words adequate to describe my love for her, and that’s why writing this is hard. Although I can try my best to explain our feelings, the words will not be sufficient, I think.

We spent Saturday morning with our dear friend Melanie. She helped us get ready for the meeting. At about 1:15 pm, we left Melanie’s to make the 5 minute drive over to the Provo LDS Family Services agency. My parents, Russ & Linda, were already there when we arrived, and the four of us met Katherine, our caseworker, at 1:30 pm. Shane called his parents to make sure they were on their way and knew where to come. We excitedly talked about what to expect and I was trying hard not to let the nervousness take over. I was glad we had kept busy that morning to keep from getting too nervous. Even still, I could see Shane shaking and I was stumbling over my words so badly!

After both Jesse and her mother, Jolene, had arrived, we walked across the hall from Katherine’s office and entered the room where we were to meet. The four of us hugged and then sat down. Emotions were on the surface and the Spirit was incredibly present and strong. We talked for a moment before Jolene turned to Ryan, Jesse’s caseworker, and asked him to guide us along. He and Katherine did just that through the meeting. They were wonderful.

We told each other more about ourselves, like where we had grown up, our schooling and career plans. Shane and I shared our story of meeting and falling in love and Jesse shared her story of how she found out she was pregnant. Then, she and Jolene shared how they had both chosen us, independent of one another. Jesse had seen five profiles and narrowed them down to two, one of which was ours. She had chosen us and then taken the two profiles home to Jolene without divulging which couple she had chosen. They told us of how Jesse’s sister and grandmother had also chosen us from the profiles Jesse brought home. We told them about receiving the announcement they sent to us along with the ultrasound images revealing the baby’s gender. Other things that came up were openness, names, decorating the nursery, and keeping in touch. We let Jesse know we want her to feel like she can share with us anything she wants us to know about the birthfather, about being first time parents, about naming the baby, etc. She said she would think about these things. There were a lot of tears shed and tissues used. It was amazing how quickly we felt at ease because of the sweet spirit in the room. We laughed together and wept together. My favorite part was the hugging. I can’t even explain why, but receiving hugs from Jesse was my favorite thing ever. I felt my love for her grow almost constantly and I could feel her tender love for this little one so very strongly. Feeling her hug me back was the best gift I could have hoped for that day.

We gave Jesse and Jolene the gifts we had brought with us. We first presented two soft teddy bears which we had brought for the two children Jesse has already. We explained that we had three bears, one for each child, and we would take the other home for the baby. We wanted these biological siblings to have a connection physically, and explained this was the reason for the bears. Jolene loved them and held onto them tightly. I was so glad she liked them. Next, we gave Jesse a card and a small wrapped package. We told her she could open them now or wait. She wanted to wait, so we just told her that the reason we were giving her that gift was to symbolize how we felt about her, that she was an angel to us. We told her of how birthmothers in our family are referred to as “angel mommies” and that more than anything, we wanted this child to know how loved he was, is, and always will be by so many, but especially by her. Inside the package was a Willow Tree figurine, a small figurine of an girl with her hands surrounding a golden heart on her chest. The description of the figurine was as follows:

Keepsake

Kept forever in the heart.

After about 45 minutes with Jolene & Jesse, Katherine suggested we take a few pictures together and then invite our parents into the room. Jesse said it would be alright, and Katherine took a few photos with our digital camera before she went to get our parents from the waiting area. I had a hard time controlling my emotions as our dear parents came into the room. I hadn’t thought that the Spirit could be felt any stronger, but it grew some how to be felt even stronger. It was like a big, joyful reunion of the closest family! It was overwhelming the love that was present in that room. After becoming acquainted, we all sat down and Ryan asked our parents to each tell Jesse one thing they wanted her most to know about their child. This was such a neat experience for us all. When they were done, Jolene asked them to repeat their names so she and Jesse could hear them again. Then, we all hugged again, and Katherine ushered us out of the room.

I could hardly believe it was over so quickly! I wanted to linger and be around Jesse and Jolene longer because I just love them so much! It was hard to leave. I turned one last time to say thank you and wave, and then the door was closed. Katherine sent us into her office, and said she’d be right in. While she directed our parents back into the waiting room, Shane and I embraced and smiled grins that might have fallen off our faces they were so big! After Katherine came in, we just sat and talked a while about how we felt. She sweetly thanked us for the experience and said the talk she had written to give in church the next day had just changed, and she knew what she needed to talk about now.

We walked out to the waiting area when we were done talking to Katherine and sat down to talk with our parents for a while about the experience. They of course wanted to know about the time we had spent with Jesse and Jolene before they came in. We were all exhausted emotionally that night, but so pleased with how things had gone. My mom and dad kept telling me the rest of the day what a wonderful experience it had been for them and kept thanking me for letting them be involved. I told them not to thank me. It was Jesse who allowed them to be there and be apart of that beautiful day.