Amelia's Adoption Story: Part One

For us, this chapter of our story started in May of this year (the week of Mother's day) when we received the news that Carter's birth mother, J, was unexpectedly expecting. She wanted to know how we felt about adding to our family. We were honored and filled with joy that she would consider placing another sweet babe with our family. We already loved J so much (and her wonderful family, too) that it was hard to imagine our love and respect could increase. Although baby number three was suddenly coming sooner than expected, we looked back on all the years of collective searching and waiting we had done before Carter and Ruby each came into our family, and we immediately felt a huge amount of gratitude and humility for the obvious blessings of this situation.

Next, we waited to find out the baby's gender. We eventually spilled the beans about expecting here. There was my The Luckiest post that followed the initial announcement and discussed being chosen again so soon. Then there was this one about the background to the story. This post followed after we continued to get a lot of questions. Finally, we learned of and announced the baby's gender. We would have been delighted either way, but for some reason we felt a sister would be fun to have so close to Ruby. We were thrilled to find out we were expecting a girl!

We anxiously anticipated baby girls due date of November 23rd. We planned to drive to Utah a few days before her due date and were excited that our plan coincided with the Thanksgiving holiday. Most of our family lives there, so we looked forward to getting to spend Thanksgiving together with them for the first time since Carter was a baby.

As things progressed, it looked like J's doctor might want to get baby here sooner than the 23rd to prevent high blood pressure becoming an issue. Then I had the opportunity to apply for the Oh Sweet Sadie Art and Gift Show that was to be held the second week of November in South Jordan, Utah. To be honest, I didn't think there was any way I would make it in, but was desperate to make some money to help with our adoption expenses, so I caved when the fabulous Lindsey (aka Mrs. R) suggested I apply. Well, I made it in, which meant we had to end up leaving November 6th to head up to Utah.

Sidenote: The show went okay, but wasn't necessarily successful money or stress wise for all I put into it. I still am really grateful to have had the opportunity though, and for me it was absolutely worth it just to get to spend time with the lovely (inside and out), sweet, and amazing women (Kim, Leisha, and Lindsey) of
The R House Couture!

So we ended up being in UT almost three full weeks before Thanksgiving. Each day we got closer to her due date I got more anxious. We texted back and forth with J and she said her mom would call as soon as she went into labor. We lost my phone for a time, then after I found it, we lost Shane's phone (still MIA). I was all over my phone once I got it back -- looking at it constantly and waiting for it to ring. Kind of funny that when the phone FINALLY did ring the day after Thanksgiving, I missed the call!! I saw it a few minutes later and quickly called back. I was in panic mode. Especially when Jolene didn't answer for several rings!

When she did answer, Jolene explained that we had a healthy baby girl that had been born the previous day, on Thanksgiving day! She said J still wasn't feeling very well, and her caseworker was out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday anyway, but would be back the following day. We planned to give her another day before we went to the hospital. Jolene sent us pictures via cell phone right away so we could see baby girl's beautiful face. She said:

Our sweet little angel is here. Born November 25th 1:46 pm, 8 lb 11 oz, almost 19 inches. Tons of hair, and gorgeous! She is a very good eater. She was born hungry.

Here are the pictures she sent:

Oh my goodness, just look at how big she already looked! We were blown away and so excited to meet her, to hold her, and to hug and visit with J, Jolene, and the rest of J's family. I was sure I wouldn't be able to sleep that night!

To be continued...

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Lullaby For a Birthmom

Beautiful tribute. We remember our children's birth parents and pray for them every day. There is so much love in adoption. Beautiful.

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What everybody wants to know

Me - circa the mid-80's

This is gonna sound kind of dramatic to some of you, but to others it might totally hit home. Before we were blessed to be parents, I felt sometimes like a human rendition of Swiss cheese -- all holey and empty. I was born to be a mother. Since I was a little girl, I have never wanted to really "be" anything but a momma full-time. I had a roommate in college who got really mad at me one time because she couldn't believe I didn't want anything more for myself that "just to be a mother." Recalling her exact words makes me want to shudder a little. I can't think of anything more difficult than motherhood, but I can't think of anything more rewarding either.

Me with my own mother - circa 1985

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.
-Mildred B. Vermont

When someone who was born to be a mother is forbidden to get pregnant and told that doing so will likely end in fatality, the room begins to spin and voices turn into echos. Hot tears flow. It feels like the world has ended. As with any large trial in life, it feels as though humility clobbers you smack dab in the middle of the forehead, and you crumble to your knees. A coincidence that you end up on your knees? I think not. God's all encompassing grace and love reach out and offer you a hand. Sometimes you take it and sometimes you choose to wallow a while before you decide to get up and take a step into the dark.

While walking the dark path, one step at a time, sometimes there are bright oases of light and warmth that urge you onward. Sometimes, you even see a light in the distance. When journeying along the path of adoption, you might hope eventually to arrive at that light-filled place where miracles happen and dreams come true (or like Katie in the movie Horton Hears a Who describes, "In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.") -- for us that dream place is called parenthood. We're even okay with the fact that the poop won't be butterflies!

Some days, you might decide to stop and ask "are we there yet?" again. You might have to stop for directions. Then, you might finally get to the point where you learn to appreciate the journey, and have joy in it even. For us, that was when we finally seem to get the call, the text, or the e-mail that acts like a road map or sign, letting us know our next stop is finally parenthood! Not only are you full of joy and peace that the darkness might finally be passing, but your heart seems to grow for all the love you now feel for a certain woman who is carrying, or has carried, the child that will be yours. Outside the adoption community, I believe birth parents are sorely misunderstood. I could write volumes about my opinion on the subject. Above all, I want to convey the message that in this space, my space, birth parents are respected and honored and loved. Please respect that. Please know that the women who chose life for their babies and chose Shane and I as their loving parents are our biggest heroes. There are never words enough to thank your child's birth mother, or if given the opportunity, a birth father or extended birth family, in the way they deserve. And in the end, I know they didn't choose adoption for me, but for that baby and how much they loved him or her.

Carter - one week old

When Carter was born, it took 15 months before we felt the pull to search for another baby. However, after Ruby was born, we still felt like another baby was on the way. We have enjoyed her stages as she's grown, and we've taken every chance to snuggle and love on her. It's not that we didn't feel the same special bond with her, we just knew our hearts needed to remain open because it was gonna be faster this time. Shane and I had discussed it many times. I would say we've even made more of an effort to love on her now because we felt baby three would come fast. Those feelings we had were right.

Carter meeting Ruby for the first time at the airport

Just about two months ago (on the exact day that Ruby turned 9 months old), I contacted CJ's birth grandma, Jolene. I usually try to let her know whenever I am sending something so she knows it's coming. We wanted to have flowers delivered to J for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day, and I wanted to make sure someone would be home when the flowers were going to arrive. We worked it out and I scheduled the delivery (with my favorite Provo flower shop, of course -- love you CCF ladies!).

Later that night, Shane and I were cuddled on the couch together with the kids, just before we put them to bed. Sometimes Carter likes to watch a video of Goodnight Gorilla or How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight? together instead of reading his bedtime story. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and wondered who would be texting. I was surprised to see that it was a message from Jolene. We always love to hear from CJ's birth family, and I was excited to hear from her again so soon after just texting earlier that day. I quickly unlocked my phone and opened the message.

I was humbled, overwhelmed, delighted, and blown-away all at once to learn that our sweet J is pregnant and has decided on making an adoption plan again. She wanted to know if, even though Ruby is still so small, we would be ready to add to our family again before the end of the year! I was moved to tears. I felt my heart swell with love, respect, and again, so much humility that J would consider placing with us again. Shane heard my quiet sob and asked immediately what was the matter. I could hardly get words out, but blurted, "J is pregnant and wants to place with us again!" He just held me tight and we cried together for a minute before I handed him my phone so he could read the message himself. We instantly felt peace and grinned ear-to-ear at one another. We responded right away, explaining what we were feeling and how excited we were. Since then, although I couldn't have imagined it possible, my love has only grown for J. I hope and pray that she knows how truly we love her and always will.

When I was talking on the phone to Jolene shortly thereafter, I tried to describe how humbled we were that Jesse would consider choosing to place with us again. I told her I guess we must have done something right! She responded that we had done way more than something right. My heart melted. Heavenly Father has blessed and guided us along the way. I hope our relationship will only get stronger as we welcome and love this baby, as his or her birth family and adoptive family, together.

And that, my friends, is how we were chosen again so quickly. We decided not to announce until J had been to the doctor and we had a due date to share. Today is the ultrasound and we are so anxious to hear what the baby's gender is. We think about J and baby every day and pray often for them. Carter's prayers are the sweetest. He prays every prayer for J by name, and adds in the baby when he remembers. He talks a lot about when the baby will come and whether it will be a boy or girl. He has already given us his opinion about certain names, too! Ruby became interested in baby dolls on her own by trying to swipe them from other kids, so we bought her a little one from Target that she totes around everywhere now. One day, Carter kept taking Ruby's doll away, and I finally thought to ask him if he wanted a baby doll, too. He got the biggest grin on his face and nodded. After a day of particularly good behavior, we picked him up his own and now they share and love to "help" with the babies.


Thank you for sharing in our excitement as we await this third baby's arrival!

This picture was taken in April 2008. Carter was not yet two years old. If you know Carter at all, you know he never holds still for very long! Imagine what a wonderful surprise it was when he climbed right up on J's lap at our visit and remained there, snuggled in with her on the swing, for a good 10-20 minutes at least. It is a memory I hold very dear.

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The Background

***disclaimer***

This post is long. It is the background information we believe you might find interesting and pertinent before you learn of our story of being chosen again. If you feel you have heard it all before, and are close enough to us that we've already shared each detail, please feel free to just glance through or skip this post all together. Okay, here we go.


Our wedding day - August 3, 2001

This story begins much further back than you probably would expect. We had only been married a few months when we first decided adoption was to be the way our family would grow. October 2001 brought hard news and loss of hope completely at first. Hope quickly blossomed again as we felt compelled to and happily pursued beginning the adoption process. Hope was then squashed right out from underneath us again when we learned we must wait until we'd been married two years to begin the adoption process. Two years seems like so much less time now than when we were 21 and 22 and had just begun our life together. Two years seemed eternities away at that point!

Fast-forward to July 2003. I was tired. I got a lot of migraine-type headaches and I felt like I was aging really fast. I'd barely graduated from massage school and passed my national certification exam in between visits to the ER. But my enthusiasm for impending motherhood was not waning! We had our LDS Family Services intake appointment set for the week of our second anniversary (August 3rd).

I followed my cardiologist's advice and set up an appointment with Dr. Laks at UCLA Medical Center to see if he thought my heart might need surgery at some future point. I remember on that trip to California being surprised at how little energy I had. When we went to the beach, I was winded just walking halfway to the water and had to sit down in the sand. I was ready to get out of the heat and go home before long. We went to Disneyland and I only lasted a few hours! I couldn't bear to just leave, so instead we rode all the slow rides and sat a lot in the shade.

Shane and I were both anxious to get back to Utah for our long-awaited appointment at the agency. Then I met Dr. Laks and learned it was imperative I have surgery ASAP, or I might reach the point of congestive heart failure very soon. I was just 22 years old. Our trip was extended to accommodate further testing and appointments at UCLA. Any wind in my sails was gone as I called to cancel our appointment at LDS Family Services. I remember feeling crushed all over again about not getting the righteous desires of my heart -- my enlarged, out of control, holey heart!

A few days after open-heart surgery - December 30, 2003

I had open-heart surgery five months later. As soon as we could, we drove home to Utah. As soon after that as I could get dressed and walk, we set up an appointment for another intake meeting at the agency. I remember still having big dark circles under my eyes and IV bruises in my arms and hands. I would say that 6.5 years later, I am still recovering in a lot of ways, but my clicking mechanical heart valve is a daily reminder of the miracles of modern medicine!

October 2005 - Living in Provo, Utah

Next stop: approximately October 2005. Finally, after years of "waiting,"attending all the agency-sponsored workshops and events we could, and working several part-time jobs each, we managed to scrape together the money to officially turn in our paperwork while we were still college students. We weren't really sure how we would fund the adoption costs from there, but felt peace and knew it was the right time.

With our friend Melanie after Shane's graduation - April 2006

Six months later, in April 2006, Shane graduated and we found ourselves packing up and getting ready to move to AZ, as Shane had accepted a job offer. Between boxes, we took a break to run over to the agency. We were supposed to sign a release allowing our file to be transferred to the LDS Family Services office in Mesa. When we arrived, our caseworker Katherine (the 4th we had been assigned to since our first appointment) broadly grinned as she explained mysteriously that we no longer needed to sign the paperwork. She said that she'd be in touch very soon and sent us on our way. Maybe it's a good thing we were completely occupied with moving at the moment so we didn't go crazy with speculation. It definitely helped that we both felt a great deal of peace about things and knew we didn't need to worry.

We moved on May 2nd. One week later, late in the evening on May 9th, we got the news we'd waited so long for. Within days, we were on our way back to Utah to meet the courageous, loving, beautiful woman who had chosen us to be Carter's parents. We'd prayed for years for her and for this baby. I hold our first face-to-face meeting among the most treasured hours of my life, as I do our brief few minutes with Ruby's birth mother. I have no doubt angels accompanied us on those occasions.

Well, this blog pretty much was born around the time we moved to Arizona, so if you've known us that long, you know the story from there. If we are newer friends, here is the brief summary: We returned to Utah twice that Summer and Carter was born in July. We brought him home to Arizona after ICPC cleared. We were able to go back to Utah a few months later, at Thanksgiving time, for our first visit with Carter's birth mother and her family (as well as spending Thanksgiving with our families, who both happen to live in the same neighborhood in Utah). We have, since then, visited at least once or twice a year with Carter's birth family, when we're in town. Otherwise, we have kept in touch via e-mail, texting, our blog, and occasional calls, packages, and letters. We always try to make sure we send flowers for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day in May. Last year we we able to celebrate Carter's birthday with not only most of our siblings and our parents, but Carter's birth family too! We had so much fun that we're going to celebrate together again this year.

Carter with his birth mom - August 2008

Some people question openness in adoption, but the more we learn and hear about it, the more we are thankful it is an option. We embrace and are grateful for any time we are able to have with Carter's birth mom and birth family. We adore them all! We truly believe more people to love a child is nothing but wonderful. Every situation is different. Every adoptive couple and every birth mother have different expectations and needs. As long as it is a healthy relationship for all, the blessings of adoption just seem to keep coming! I think everyone involved also has to know that as a child grows up in an adoptive family, he or she may express a desire to have more or less contact with a birth family, and that this is all really about the child, so those feelings should be validated and the level of contact should be reevaluated throughout the years to help the child feel comfortable. As long as you go into open adoption knowing that, I think everyone just wants to celebrate that little life as he or she grows and becomes a beautiful child, loved by many, with an amazing story of miracles surrounding his or her birth!

Now we're ready to tell you a little more about baby #3.
Tomorrow.

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Adoption Success Story - Baby Addilynn

With all the ups and downs involved in the miracle that is adoption, at times it feels like we hear about the downs more than the ups. We love to see adoption success stories, and baby Addi's is a great one. Her birth mother, Brittani, placed her with Daren and Shannon last week. Addi will enjoy a wonderful, open (albeit long distance) relationship with her birth mother from day one. We're jumping up and down with joy for all of them! You can jump over to Daren and Shannon's blog, too, and see what all the fuss is about.

Congratulations baby Addi!

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Help Forest's family adopt his sibling!

This is cutie-pie Forest.

From Jan. 29th to Feb. 1st, a silent auction will be held at http://farnsworthadoption.blogspot.com/

The proceeds will go toward helping our friends, Forest's parents, be able to afford the costs associated with adopting Forest's biological sibling (due in February). You can help by bidding, donating items/services for the auction, or by donating to the account indicated on the site. Thanks for your support of a great family!

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December Wrap-up

Okay, so obviously the craziness that was December sent us spiraling into oblivion. Obviously. But we've returned! Never fear! Usually if we get behind, we go back and catch up with each post dated chronologically, but we'rs so far behind that this time we're just gonna post December catch-up in one lump of a post so we can move on with the New Year. Here goes!

I spent a good part of the first half of December creating hats, flower clips, and hair bows to sell at my cute friend Jenny's Boutique in the Barn. I didn't do incredibly well at the boutique, considering what I put into it, but I had lots of fun. I have a lot left over to sell, so coming soon, I will be opening my own etsy.com shop called Ruby Jane Boutique. Thanks to Cynthia at The Design Loft, I have a logo and everything. :)

I was pleasantly surprised to see this sweet picture hiding in the December file. Then I remembered Shane took it while Ruby slept on my shoulder and my heart swelled with LOVE!

Isn't she magnificent?

It got pretty cold (for Arizona) in December. We actually put our sweatshirt hoodies on. ;)
Oh my cute, right??

In December, all four of our parents came to visit and to meet baby Ruby for the first time. Here's Grandpa Russ with the kiddos:

We already shared one picture of Ruby in her white dress on her blessing day, but we can't get enough of her. :)

We all love Carter's birth momma (and Ruby's too, or course)!

Carter in his new r house shirt.

This is Ashley. And Ruby, this blog's personal diva.

I met Ashley on my fourth birthday, I believe. That was the day my family moved from Utah to California and onto the same street as Ashley's family lived. She was two years old at the time. :) She quickly became my bestie/BFF. :) We liked playing dress up a lot. Bonus picture: Me, Tawny, Ashley sometime in the 80's

We were pretty much attached at the hip for the next 15 years until my family moved back to Utah and I went to BYU. One a year later, she came to BYU too, and then we even shared the same major and took classes together.
LOVE her to pieces.

Ashley gave me the best gift ever and came to visit and to be here for Ruby's sealing and blessing. Carter adores her for sure. Ashley is a Kindergarten teacher. I wish she could be his teacher when he starts Kindergarten in a couple of years. He would be in love! It made me so happy and comfortable having her here. We even got to have a girls night out shopping and eating! (Thanks Shane!) I love how she and I can always pick right up where we left off, no matter how long it's been. And I also love to listen to her stories, especially the ones about boys! ;)

This isn't the greatest picture, but it's the only one we've got. This was Christmas Eve dinner over at Joe and Claudia's. Thanks to Jon and Monica, we enjoyed yet another gourmet fabulous Dec. 24th dinner. Beautiful presentation and yum, yum, yummy food!

And best of all, we got to see Santa and "Mrs. Santa Claus" (as Carter called her) after dinner on Christmas Eve!
We can't believe December came and went so quickly! Same goes for 2009.
We wish you all the happiest New Year for 2010!

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WOWZERS! Wednesday #3: Guest Blogger Desha

This is Desha:

She has graciously agreed to be our guest blogger today in order to share a little bit about her perspective on adoption as a birth mother. We are grateful she was willing and appreciate her voice for good! You rock Desha! Her story follows.

I often find myself discussing adoption, especially with others personally involved in adoption. news flash to self- adoption is my life! I couldn't get away from it if I tried. I embrace adoption and all it's many wonders- the good. the bad. and yes even sometimes the very ugly. But even with it's many flaws and imperfections, adoption, for me, is still the shiniest gemstone in the store window.

Adoption has always been a part of my life. I don't think I’d be able to list all the little streams that feed into the river that is my life that were sprung from adoption. This being said, when it came my turn to play a leading role in the adoption world (finding myself unexpectedly pregnant and not really suffering from malaria as originally presumed) I was shocked to find endless websites and blogs and books and resources etc ..... about how AWFUL adoption is.

I was feeling sorry for myself one day while reading ‘what to expect while expecting’ - it's an awful book, even if you are going to parent your child. It was all sorts of husband this and husband that and preparing for this and planning that, it just didn't apply to me and my pregnancy because the entire book assumed I was going to bring my baby home from the hospital with my husband and we would live happily ever after. I just wanted to know what could help me stop being so damn nauseated and stop losing weight and perhaps a tidbit or two about what my lil fetus might be doing/body parts it might be growing right about now. I didn’t need all this other mumbo jumbo so I hit the internet with my google skills. SURELY, I thought, there is a book out there about what to expect while your expecting with an adoption plan.

I was on amazon dot com I believe and had about 100,000 hits for pregnancy and adoption, after scrolling thru about literally 20 pages of books and not finding A SINGLE ONE that had ANYTHING positive to say about ANY aspect of adoption, I stopped looking. Talk about discouraged. With nauseousness. And definitely self pity. No bueno.

desha and "lil pokepoke"

That's when I started googling adoption support/birthmom support in general. Again couldn't find anything remotely positive or encouraging besides birthmombuds dot com. how could there not be anything positive out there? I was aghast at the drastic imbalance. I had friends who placed babies, friends/family who have adopted babies, they all knew people in the adoption world and it branched out from there, so where were all the happy success stories? Why couldn't I find them? I knew from personal experience that they existed, but couldn't understand why when I googled ‘adoption’ it was only negative. I was very surprised at how close-minded our society still was towards adoption - even with Angelina Jolie. I guess I hadn't realized that this topic was still so taboo. What a shame I thought and I immediately 'knew' that I would be forever involved in sharing how amazing adoption has been for me, and for those in my life - and I wasn't even out of my first trimester yet. (feb 2008)

(maybe when I am done with medical school and am also a practicing midwife I will write 'what to expect when you are expecting with an adoption plan'!)

I have since started a birthmom blog for my local pdx birthmoms, I also coauthor on a birthom blog and I started a facebook group page about adoption and have found other places, like adoptionvoices dot com that encourage and celebrate the positive things about adoption. I still think it’s too bad that there is so much more negative out there than the positive. I have been talking about this a lot lately with both fellow birthmoms and adoptive mom friends.

first visit after placement

We are frustrated that every time we try to tell our story, try to share our positive experience, there are several sharks just lurking in the dark waters ready to bite, to try to convince us that we did a horrible thing, that we are in denial, that we are NOT happy and that adoption is evil, they throw studies and statistics and links at us and promise that one day we will see the truth and that they will be waiting, to tell us I told you so, not waiting to help or support us. These sharks are usually birthmoms and/or adoptees who for whatever reason have hurt anger sadness grief loss misery and a host of other emotions that they have not been able to process, accept, and move forward with. It is sad. I feel sad for them that they cannot find happiness in their lives. But I feel that it is their choice to cling onto these negative emotions. It is my choice to feel happy and at peace and get joy from my adoption experience and it is my choice to want to share that with others. But in sharing my positive experience, thoughts and feelings, I don’t try to tell them that they have to be happy and I don’t need to convince them to be happy so I often wonder, what entitles them to attack me and others like me and tell me that I need to be miserable?

second visit

In one of my discussions over this past summer with a birthmom friend, I commented ‘man if I had all the time that they (bitter birthmoms and adoptees) spend being bitter, I would be a happy girl, that’s a lot of time to get a lot of things done and I have a lot of things on my plate!’ As our discussion continued we talked about how they try so hard to instill the negative, how they are so determined to ruin it for the rest of us, that they have to enlighten us about the ‘truthful horrors’ of adoption, how they are so hurt and so angry and so sad, yet they chose to remain this way. We tossed around some ideas as to why, acknowledged the different and very valid circumstances of closed adoptions, and we asked each other some rhetorical questions, we talked about the publicity of the negative and the absence of the positive and then one of us said, pretty sure it was her, yes it was her, ‘we don’t hear from the happy ones because they are busy, living their lives.’

It was like a light bulb- yup, we are busy, living our lives, moving forward, embracing the journey, riding the emotional waves that come with being a birthmom and doing the best we can… but we are living our lives, not drowning in our bitterness and misery. I guess misery loves company, just like the saying says.

A short time later I was chatting with another adoption friend, this time an adoptive mother struggling with birthparent issues and she was feeling down and out about how the ‘bad side’ (my words, and I’m not implying that birthparents are bad or that there are ‘sides’ in adoption) seems to always win, that the negative seems to always drown out the positive, why is this she asked me, and I told her what my birthmom friend had told me, we don’t hear from the happy ones because they are busy, living their lives.

second visit

I have a voice, and I’ve chosen to use it, for good. I want the world to know that I placed my baby for adoption and I am HAPPY about that choice. I can honestly say that I know I always will be. I am moving forward, on a constant journey that is my life with an amazing adventure waiting behind every bend in the river, and even though I’m busy, very busy indeed, I feel I need to stop and share the positive emotions I have experienced and seen countless others experience with adoption, as often as I possibly can.

getting ready for placement

There just aren’t appropriate words to adequately describe (my) adoption. People try, they say things like amazing, awesome, miracle, hope, love, faith, blessing, gift, strength, beautiful … but all these are just words, they can describe anything, adoption is not just anything. I decided a long while ago, after my wonderful and delightfully happy placement, that the words needed to describe what I had just experienced were too beautiful, too sacred to be used here on earth, those words are safe with the angels, and all I was left with were to express my tender experience, were tears.

Many many adoption luvs to all.

desha

My adoption story:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IdPtGZ-3oM

Chapter 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKPOlsvusT8

blogging as birthMOM:

http://birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com/

Desha Wood’s adoption friends and family:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=82019623067

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WOWZERS! Wednesday #2

We were working to create a nursery for our new little one all weekend and dealing with the aftermath of neglected housework ever since! Needless to say, we got a bit distracted from our daily adoption-related posts.

When I saw this post over at the r house the other day, I knew this would make a great feature for this week's WOWZERS! (we never cease to be amazed by birth families) Wednesday post. I'm sorry it took me this long to post the link, but I know you will enjoy reading about this amazing birth mother. Whenever I think of Joniece, I think the word STRENGTH. We love the r house and we love to hear about their sons' courageous birth mothers. We hope to get to meet Joniece some day. We've prayed a lot for her lately as she and the R's have faced a contested adoption from baby G's birth father. Another amazing birth mom we are in awe of! WOWZERS! ;)

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Because I Loved Him THAT Much

Tamra is one of our favorite people in the world, and I think anyone that knows her would tell you the same thing. She also happens to be a birth mother who placed her son for adoption 13 years ago. She agreed to share her story for our first WOWZERS! (we never cease to be amazed by birth families) Wednesday post.

We first heard Tamra's story in an adoption workshop in Provo, while we were waiting for our first adoption. We felt a connection with her the first time we heard her share her story. We later moved down to Arizona, and a friend was telling us about how great the birth parent panel was at the adoption workshop down here. He said he especially loved one of the birth mothers that shared her story and started describing her personality. "Is her name Tamra?" I asked. He said that actually, it was. I thought, "Wow, they must fly her all over the country because she does such a great job!" It turns out that she had just moved down to Arizona as well.

Since then, she has been a great support to us in our adoption journey. She has volunteered countless hours to promoting adoption wherever she goes. We beamed with pride as she stood to accept the Friends of Adoption Award at the National Families Supporting Adoption conference this year. Megan also did an adoption outreach presentation with her at a local high school. Her amazing and inspirational story follows: (You can also check out her adoption video on You Tube.)

Because I Loved Him THAT Much
People often don't understand my choice. Many respond with pity on their faces as if to say, "You poor thing". I tell them, "Don't feel sorry for me; I'm a lucky girl." This is the happiest story I know.

Some will say, "Well, it's best that you placed your son for adoption, because you needed your education and to finish growing up," or things of that nature. And while it is true that I am blessed to pursue the educational and social prospects of my choosing in a way I would not have been able to with a child, and although I've been endlessly blessed by my choice, none of these facts constitute why I chose.

Of course I enjoy spending my time and money the way I want. Of course I feel blessed to date without the added complication of being a single parent. And of course I love the independent young adult experience and all I gain from it. I can tell you, though, without hesitation, that I would have given it all up to have my Justin's hand in mine. I would have sacrificed all that was mine....but I would not sacrifice what could be his.

There are those who say, "But Tamra, you could have made it work! You were 18, you had money enough, your boyfriend wanted to marry you! You're a good person and you loved your baby so much!"

I confess this was my thinking for the first several months of pregnancy. I was not one of "those girls;" I'd be a good mom.....but not the best. I was enough....he could have more. And I had had the "more:" two parents who'd prepared for me, who chose me, and most importantly, to whom I am sealed in a forever family.

How could I tell my son, "Not for you."? Even with all my bargaining and rationalizing, at the end of the day I could not, even at my best, make up the difference between me and the family he COULD have. No amount of overcompensation would have been sufficient.

Many will just ask, "How? How did you do it?" I still don't know. I didn't. I couldn't have. The choice I made defied my instinct as a woman, as a human being, even as a mammal. To give away a piece of myself, my very heart, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone -- it seemed the very air from my lungs went with him. It was impossible....for me.

And then to survive! But more -- to fare as I never had, with a new peace that felt like breathing true oxygen for the first time! I thought that to make this choice would leave me broken for life; instead, I am mended. None of this was or could have been my doing. That sort of strength comes from a source beyond myself.

As I held my baby, my Justin, in the hospital room, where the veil between here and heaven became so thin, my doctor stood silent in the door for a moment, watching as I sang to my little treasure, as I stared, endeavoring to memorize his face. He saw the love in my eyes and said, "You won't go through with it."

What he and many others don't understand is, it is BECAUSE I loved him that much, that I was able to do this impossible thing. Had I loved him an ounce less, I would never have let go. It was the only way I could break my own heart and let him go home to those who were his -- and I know now that he was theirs before he was mine. THEY shared him with ME. They are an extension of my family in a way I cannot explain. When we met, I recognized them. I can't tell you from when or where; I don't know the conversations we had or the nature of our relationship, but I knew those faces! And immediately in my heart I felt family love for them. Never before or since have I experienced anything to approach it.

There are a thousand reasons why my choice has been right and perfect for all whose lives have been affected, but THE reason is.... I asked: "Father....what do I do?" Before I knew or understood any of the wisdom or logic of it, I knew the Lord's will for my baby and me, and I allowed my own will be swallowed up in it.

"Didn't you want your baby?"

More than I have ever wanted anything. He wasn't mine.
He has been my missionary. I bless his family for being willing to wait while he fulfilled that mission. My heart has been mightily changed.

We were both born that day.

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Carter-palooza (Carter turns three)

After a particularly mischievous morning, Carter took a deliciously long nap this afternoon, actually allowing Miss Ruby and I to do the same! I am therefore feeling extra warm and fuzzy and have decided to post another completely Carter-centered post! Oh wait, did I just focus on myself and Ruby being able to get a nap? Okay, it will now be Carter focused... starting NOW!

We celebrated Carter's third birthday while in Utah last month with an entire day of festivities, a "Carter-palooza" if you will. We got these awesome Salt Lake City Connect passes and planned out a day full of things we thought Carter would enjoy leading up to his big party. Grandma Linda even came along!
{we highly recommend the passes, especially since they will give you two days for the price of one right now!}

We began the day at the aquarium in Sandy.

We then moved on to lunch at the Lion House in SLC and a trip to the Discovery Gateway children's museum and just about got to the point that we'd had a little TOO much fun...We stopped at Costco on the way home to pick up Carter's birthday cake, swung by Grandma Linda and Grandpa Russ' house to pick up the rest of the party supplies, and headed to Scera park in Orem where we had a pavilion reserved. Luckily, Carter got a nice long nap on the long drive. We had ourselves a hot dog dinner with his birth family and our immediate and extended family. Afterwards, most of the guests joined us for swimming at the Scera pool. What fun!

We're so grateful for this little boy that made us a mommy and a daddy three years ago! We are also so grateful that Carter's birth family was able to join us for the first time in celebrating him!

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