Newborn Amelia

Ready for the big reveal of Amelia's newborn photo session? I'm so excited to share.

Kim is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. And OH. SO. TALENTED. And sweet (did I mention that??). I can't believe we really only just met in November for the first time in real life. Feels like we've been friends for much longer. Feeling blessed for so many reasons these days, but right this moment I feel especially blessed to be a momma of three (which still hasn't truly sunken in) and to have dear friends like Kim. If you live in Utah, you might need her info. She's amazing!

Now, please, click on this and go drink up the beauty of my baby girl as recorded by sweet Kim.

Photos taken on December 1, 2010

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Amelia's Adoption Story: Part One

For us, this chapter of our story started in May of this year (the week of Mother's day) when we received the news that Carter's birth mother, J, was unexpectedly expecting. She wanted to know how we felt about adding to our family. We were honored and filled with joy that she would consider placing another sweet babe with our family. We already loved J so much (and her wonderful family, too) that it was hard to imagine our love and respect could increase. Although baby number three was suddenly coming sooner than expected, we looked back on all the years of collective searching and waiting we had done before Carter and Ruby each came into our family, and we immediately felt a huge amount of gratitude and humility for the obvious blessings of this situation.

Next, we waited to find out the baby's gender. We eventually spilled the beans about expecting here. There was my The Luckiest post that followed the initial announcement and discussed being chosen again so soon. Then there was this one about the background to the story. This post followed after we continued to get a lot of questions. Finally, we learned of and announced the baby's gender. We would have been delighted either way, but for some reason we felt a sister would be fun to have so close to Ruby. We were thrilled to find out we were expecting a girl!

We anxiously anticipated baby girls due date of November 23rd. We planned to drive to Utah a few days before her due date and were excited that our plan coincided with the Thanksgiving holiday. Most of our family lives there, so we looked forward to getting to spend Thanksgiving together with them for the first time since Carter was a baby.

As things progressed, it looked like J's doctor might want to get baby here sooner than the 23rd to prevent high blood pressure becoming an issue. Then I had the opportunity to apply for the Oh Sweet Sadie Art and Gift Show that was to be held the second week of November in South Jordan, Utah. To be honest, I didn't think there was any way I would make it in, but was desperate to make some money to help with our adoption expenses, so I caved when the fabulous Lindsey (aka Mrs. R) suggested I apply. Well, I made it in, which meant we had to end up leaving November 6th to head up to Utah.

Sidenote: The show went okay, but wasn't necessarily successful money or stress wise for all I put into it. I still am really grateful to have had the opportunity though, and for me it was absolutely worth it just to get to spend time with the lovely (inside and out), sweet, and amazing women (Kim, Leisha, and Lindsey) of
The R House Couture!

So we ended up being in UT almost three full weeks before Thanksgiving. Each day we got closer to her due date I got more anxious. We texted back and forth with J and she said her mom would call as soon as she went into labor. We lost my phone for a time, then after I found it, we lost Shane's phone (still MIA). I was all over my phone once I got it back -- looking at it constantly and waiting for it to ring. Kind of funny that when the phone FINALLY did ring the day after Thanksgiving, I missed the call!! I saw it a few minutes later and quickly called back. I was in panic mode. Especially when Jolene didn't answer for several rings!

When she did answer, Jolene explained that we had a healthy baby girl that had been born the previous day, on Thanksgiving day! She said J still wasn't feeling very well, and her caseworker was out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday anyway, but would be back the following day. We planned to give her another day before we went to the hospital. Jolene sent us pictures via cell phone right away so we could see baby girl's beautiful face. She said:

Our sweet little angel is here. Born November 25th 1:46 pm, 8 lb 11 oz, almost 19 inches. Tons of hair, and gorgeous! She is a very good eater. She was born hungry.

Here are the pictures she sent:

Oh my goodness, just look at how big she already looked! We were blown away and so excited to meet her, to hold her, and to hug and visit with J, Jolene, and the rest of J's family. I was sure I wouldn't be able to sleep that night!

To be continued...

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Without further ado...

we would like to introduce
Amelia Lucy
Born on Thanksgiving day
8 lbs. 11 oz.
nearly 19 inches long

photo taken on Dec. 9th - two weeks old
8 lbs. 12.5 oz. and 20.75 inches

I can't believe it's taken us this long to get a post up officially announcing her arrival! We got clearance to come home nine days ago, and since arriving home one week ago today, we have just been taking our time getting used to being a family of five (what?!) and trying to help a certain newly established "middle child" feel comfortable in spite of this new addition. Oh yeah, and sometimes we get a little sleep here and there. More details to come, but now I must go snuggle our little angel.

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Lullaby For a Birthmom

Beautiful tribute. We remember our children's birth parents and pray for them every day. There is so much love in adoption. Beautiful.

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What everybody wants to know

Me - circa the mid-80's

This is gonna sound kind of dramatic to some of you, but to others it might totally hit home. Before we were blessed to be parents, I felt sometimes like a human rendition of Swiss cheese -- all holey and empty. I was born to be a mother. Since I was a little girl, I have never wanted to really "be" anything but a momma full-time. I had a roommate in college who got really mad at me one time because she couldn't believe I didn't want anything more for myself that "just to be a mother." Recalling her exact words makes me want to shudder a little. I can't think of anything more difficult than motherhood, but I can't think of anything more rewarding either.

Me with my own mother - circa 1985

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.
-Mildred B. Vermont

When someone who was born to be a mother is forbidden to get pregnant and told that doing so will likely end in fatality, the room begins to spin and voices turn into echos. Hot tears flow. It feels like the world has ended. As with any large trial in life, it feels as though humility clobbers you smack dab in the middle of the forehead, and you crumble to your knees. A coincidence that you end up on your knees? I think not. God's all encompassing grace and love reach out and offer you a hand. Sometimes you take it and sometimes you choose to wallow a while before you decide to get up and take a step into the dark.

While walking the dark path, one step at a time, sometimes there are bright oases of light and warmth that urge you onward. Sometimes, you even see a light in the distance. When journeying along the path of adoption, you might hope eventually to arrive at that light-filled place where miracles happen and dreams come true (or like Katie in the movie Horton Hears a Who describes, "In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.") -- for us that dream place is called parenthood. We're even okay with the fact that the poop won't be butterflies!

Some days, you might decide to stop and ask "are we there yet?" again. You might have to stop for directions. Then, you might finally get to the point where you learn to appreciate the journey, and have joy in it even. For us, that was when we finally seem to get the call, the text, or the e-mail that acts like a road map or sign, letting us know our next stop is finally parenthood! Not only are you full of joy and peace that the darkness might finally be passing, but your heart seems to grow for all the love you now feel for a certain woman who is carrying, or has carried, the child that will be yours. Outside the adoption community, I believe birth parents are sorely misunderstood. I could write volumes about my opinion on the subject. Above all, I want to convey the message that in this space, my space, birth parents are respected and honored and loved. Please respect that. Please know that the women who chose life for their babies and chose Shane and I as their loving parents are our biggest heroes. There are never words enough to thank your child's birth mother, or if given the opportunity, a birth father or extended birth family, in the way they deserve. And in the end, I know they didn't choose adoption for me, but for that baby and how much they loved him or her.

Carter - one week old

When Carter was born, it took 15 months before we felt the pull to search for another baby. However, after Ruby was born, we still felt like another baby was on the way. We have enjoyed her stages as she's grown, and we've taken every chance to snuggle and love on her. It's not that we didn't feel the same special bond with her, we just knew our hearts needed to remain open because it was gonna be faster this time. Shane and I had discussed it many times. I would say we've even made more of an effort to love on her now because we felt baby three would come fast. Those feelings we had were right.

Carter meeting Ruby for the first time at the airport

Just about two months ago (on the exact day that Ruby turned 9 months old), I contacted CJ's birth grandma, Jolene. I usually try to let her know whenever I am sending something so she knows it's coming. We wanted to have flowers delivered to J for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day, and I wanted to make sure someone would be home when the flowers were going to arrive. We worked it out and I scheduled the delivery (with my favorite Provo flower shop, of course -- love you CCF ladies!).

Later that night, Shane and I were cuddled on the couch together with the kids, just before we put them to bed. Sometimes Carter likes to watch a video of Goodnight Gorilla or How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight? together instead of reading his bedtime story. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and wondered who would be texting. I was surprised to see that it was a message from Jolene. We always love to hear from CJ's birth family, and I was excited to hear from her again so soon after just texting earlier that day. I quickly unlocked my phone and opened the message.

I was humbled, overwhelmed, delighted, and blown-away all at once to learn that our sweet J is pregnant and has decided on making an adoption plan again. She wanted to know if, even though Ruby is still so small, we would be ready to add to our family again before the end of the year! I was moved to tears. I felt my heart swell with love, respect, and again, so much humility that J would consider placing with us again. Shane heard my quiet sob and asked immediately what was the matter. I could hardly get words out, but blurted, "J is pregnant and wants to place with us again!" He just held me tight and we cried together for a minute before I handed him my phone so he could read the message himself. We instantly felt peace and grinned ear-to-ear at one another. We responded right away, explaining what we were feeling and how excited we were. Since then, although I couldn't have imagined it possible, my love has only grown for J. I hope and pray that she knows how truly we love her and always will.

When I was talking on the phone to Jolene shortly thereafter, I tried to describe how humbled we were that Jesse would consider choosing to place with us again. I told her I guess we must have done something right! She responded that we had done way more than something right. My heart melted. Heavenly Father has blessed and guided us along the way. I hope our relationship will only get stronger as we welcome and love this baby, as his or her birth family and adoptive family, together.

And that, my friends, is how we were chosen again so quickly. We decided not to announce until J had been to the doctor and we had a due date to share. Today is the ultrasound and we are so anxious to hear what the baby's gender is. We think about J and baby every day and pray often for them. Carter's prayers are the sweetest. He prays every prayer for J by name, and adds in the baby when he remembers. He talks a lot about when the baby will come and whether it will be a boy or girl. He has already given us his opinion about certain names, too! Ruby became interested in baby dolls on her own by trying to swipe them from other kids, so we bought her a little one from Target that she totes around everywhere now. One day, Carter kept taking Ruby's doll away, and I finally thought to ask him if he wanted a baby doll, too. He got the biggest grin on his face and nodded. After a day of particularly good behavior, we picked him up his own and now they share and love to "help" with the babies.


Thank you for sharing in our excitement as we await this third baby's arrival!

This picture was taken in April 2008. Carter was not yet two years old. If you know Carter at all, you know he never holds still for very long! Imagine what a wonderful surprise it was when he climbed right up on J's lap at our visit and remained there, snuggled in with her on the swing, for a good 10-20 minutes at least. It is a memory I hold very dear.

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The Background

***disclaimer***

This post is long. It is the background information we believe you might find interesting and pertinent before you learn of our story of being chosen again. If you feel you have heard it all before, and are close enough to us that we've already shared each detail, please feel free to just glance through or skip this post all together. Okay, here we go.


Our wedding day - August 3, 2001

This story begins much further back than you probably would expect. We had only been married a few months when we first decided adoption was to be the way our family would grow. October 2001 brought hard news and loss of hope completely at first. Hope quickly blossomed again as we felt compelled to and happily pursued beginning the adoption process. Hope was then squashed right out from underneath us again when we learned we must wait until we'd been married two years to begin the adoption process. Two years seems like so much less time now than when we were 21 and 22 and had just begun our life together. Two years seemed eternities away at that point!

Fast-forward to July 2003. I was tired. I got a lot of migraine-type headaches and I felt like I was aging really fast. I'd barely graduated from massage school and passed my national certification exam in between visits to the ER. But my enthusiasm for impending motherhood was not waning! We had our LDS Family Services intake appointment set for the week of our second anniversary (August 3rd).

I followed my cardiologist's advice and set up an appointment with Dr. Laks at UCLA Medical Center to see if he thought my heart might need surgery at some future point. I remember on that trip to California being surprised at how little energy I had. When we went to the beach, I was winded just walking halfway to the water and had to sit down in the sand. I was ready to get out of the heat and go home before long. We went to Disneyland and I only lasted a few hours! I couldn't bear to just leave, so instead we rode all the slow rides and sat a lot in the shade.

Shane and I were both anxious to get back to Utah for our long-awaited appointment at the agency. Then I met Dr. Laks and learned it was imperative I have surgery ASAP, or I might reach the point of congestive heart failure very soon. I was just 22 years old. Our trip was extended to accommodate further testing and appointments at UCLA. Any wind in my sails was gone as I called to cancel our appointment at LDS Family Services. I remember feeling crushed all over again about not getting the righteous desires of my heart -- my enlarged, out of control, holey heart!

A few days after open-heart surgery - December 30, 2003

I had open-heart surgery five months later. As soon as we could, we drove home to Utah. As soon after that as I could get dressed and walk, we set up an appointment for another intake meeting at the agency. I remember still having big dark circles under my eyes and IV bruises in my arms and hands. I would say that 6.5 years later, I am still recovering in a lot of ways, but my clicking mechanical heart valve is a daily reminder of the miracles of modern medicine!

October 2005 - Living in Provo, Utah

Next stop: approximately October 2005. Finally, after years of "waiting,"attending all the agency-sponsored workshops and events we could, and working several part-time jobs each, we managed to scrape together the money to officially turn in our paperwork while we were still college students. We weren't really sure how we would fund the adoption costs from there, but felt peace and knew it was the right time.

With our friend Melanie after Shane's graduation - April 2006

Six months later, in April 2006, Shane graduated and we found ourselves packing up and getting ready to move to AZ, as Shane had accepted a job offer. Between boxes, we took a break to run over to the agency. We were supposed to sign a release allowing our file to be transferred to the LDS Family Services office in Mesa. When we arrived, our caseworker Katherine (the 4th we had been assigned to since our first appointment) broadly grinned as she explained mysteriously that we no longer needed to sign the paperwork. She said that she'd be in touch very soon and sent us on our way. Maybe it's a good thing we were completely occupied with moving at the moment so we didn't go crazy with speculation. It definitely helped that we both felt a great deal of peace about things and knew we didn't need to worry.

We moved on May 2nd. One week later, late in the evening on May 9th, we got the news we'd waited so long for. Within days, we were on our way back to Utah to meet the courageous, loving, beautiful woman who had chosen us to be Carter's parents. We'd prayed for years for her and for this baby. I hold our first face-to-face meeting among the most treasured hours of my life, as I do our brief few minutes with Ruby's birth mother. I have no doubt angels accompanied us on those occasions.

Well, this blog pretty much was born around the time we moved to Arizona, so if you've known us that long, you know the story from there. If we are newer friends, here is the brief summary: We returned to Utah twice that Summer and Carter was born in July. We brought him home to Arizona after ICPC cleared. We were able to go back to Utah a few months later, at Thanksgiving time, for our first visit with Carter's birth mother and her family (as well as spending Thanksgiving with our families, who both happen to live in the same neighborhood in Utah). We have, since then, visited at least once or twice a year with Carter's birth family, when we're in town. Otherwise, we have kept in touch via e-mail, texting, our blog, and occasional calls, packages, and letters. We always try to make sure we send flowers for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day in May. Last year we we able to celebrate Carter's birthday with not only most of our siblings and our parents, but Carter's birth family too! We had so much fun that we're going to celebrate together again this year.

Carter with his birth mom - August 2008

Some people question openness in adoption, but the more we learn and hear about it, the more we are thankful it is an option. We embrace and are grateful for any time we are able to have with Carter's birth mom and birth family. We adore them all! We truly believe more people to love a child is nothing but wonderful. Every situation is different. Every adoptive couple and every birth mother have different expectations and needs. As long as it is a healthy relationship for all, the blessings of adoption just seem to keep coming! I think everyone involved also has to know that as a child grows up in an adoptive family, he or she may express a desire to have more or less contact with a birth family, and that this is all really about the child, so those feelings should be validated and the level of contact should be reevaluated throughout the years to help the child feel comfortable. As long as you go into open adoption knowing that, I think everyone just wants to celebrate that little life as he or she grows and becomes a beautiful child, loved by many, with an amazing story of miracles surrounding his or her birth!

Now we're ready to tell you a little more about baby #3.
Tomorrow.

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We're so excited, we just can't hide it anymore!

We're joyfully expecting another adoption miracle...coming November 2010.

We can hardly wait to learn the baby's gender on Monday.
{Carter's convinced it's twins, one boy and one girl.}

What do you think? Will the baby be a boy or a girl?
Leave us your guess in the comments and there may be a drawing for those who guess correctly!


{photograph by Andiland Photography}

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Helaman Hall Honeys

I was blessed to make some amazing friends for life while living in the dorms at BYU my freshman year of college ('99-'00). We managed our first reunion in Texas in October 2008. Ever since then, we'd been saying we needed to get together again. We decided kind of last minute to hurry and get together before Emily's second son was born (he's on his way in the next few weeks!). We quickly pulled off another reunion, this time in Colorado, since Emily was so close to her due date. We had a blast chatting, eating yummy food, and laughing a lot! We already decided that our next reunion will be a cruise or rented beach house getaway. :)

All of us
(l to r: Cynthia, Me, Emily, Alycia, and Katie)

Alycia and Katie
Emily and Cynthia
On one of our days together, we decided to brave the cold and go out for lunch and window shopping on Pearl Street in Boulder. We didn't last long, though, as it started snowing down on us pretty hard. Here's Cyn with her sweet little guy Bergen (before the snow got going).
I don't think I've ever seen snowflakes that actually look like the pretty little graphics in books and cartoons. In Boulder, it apparently does snow perfect little crystalline snowflakes. Just check out the flakes in Katie's hair! We were pretty amazed by them and took lots of pictures of each others' hair. :)

See more pics of the reunion here, here, and here.

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Aunt Marci has come and gone

He keeps saying, "Remember when Aunt Marci came to my house?! I love Aunt Marci. I miss Aunt Marci."

There's nothing quite like someone you love being smitten over your baby! Marci's last visit to AZ was before Carter was born. It was the best gift for me to have my sister come get to know my kids and spend time with us (and the warm weather was a bonus for her). Now if only she hadn't needed to leave early to beat that dang storm home! The day she went home we all just kind of stumbled around like zombies. Carter was totally bummed to find Aunt Marci gone. I felt it too, Buddy!

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five months has come and gone

This is late, but way too good not to share.Sometimes I think I could just gobble her right up!

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A Great Kid's Song About Adoption!

I stumbled on this song thanks to some friends from Twitter. You can listen to the song and get the download by email from the author's website (it's not on iTunes). Hope you all enjoy it!

You start with hope
The wait can make you cry
Unanswered prayers
Things turn, you wonder why

The road can take you where it wants
Sometimes you have to just let go to hear life's song

It's meant to be
It was written in the stars
For us to see
A little angel to be ours
We're a family
We'll tell you where you came from
But you were born from our heart

Faith lights your path
Then one day lets you in
Inside the dream
Of something never seen

The beauty of your little smile
Each little sound you make
Takes our breath away

It's meant to be
It was written in the stars
For us to see
A little angel to be ours
We're a family
We'll tell you where you came from
But you were born from our heart

©2009 music & lyrics by ray andersen

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Peace

I have a family here on earth.
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them through all eternity.

Families can be together forever
Through Heavenly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family,
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me how I can.

(words by Ruth M. Gardner, from the hymn Families Can Be Together Forever)

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Cousins!

Carter loved having his CA cousins in town for Ruby's adoption finalization and sealing.

Carter loves "Lukie"...

and Ty...

and Mikelle (and Cole, Crew, Chad, and Nicole). We all do!

We promised Carter that if he was quiet and happy in the temple, we'd do some model rocket launches. He did awesome! We took a fun and quick little trip to the park before Chad & Nicole's family left for home. The kids all loved it!

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Officially Ruby!

Carter is officially a big brother. Ruby is officially a little sister. And we are officially speechless!

There is so much I could write about what an amazing experience it was to have Ruby's adoption finalization, sealing, and blessing all happen this past week. But time is short, and rather than delay this post any longer trying to figure out some way to put our feelings into words, I'd like to share some pictures from finalization day.

Outside the courthouse.

Both sets of our parents flew down for the occasion. Ruby loved meeting Grandma Kengie, Grandma Linda, Grandpa Russ, and Grandpa Gary for the first time.
Joe & Claudia also took off work to be there.
Thanks so much for the support!

We want to give a special thanks to Cali Tidwell (our case worker)
and Brent Ellsworth (our attorney).
It's thanks to both of them that we were able to finalize when Ruby was only 4 months old!

Judge Thompson decreed the adoption as final.

Grandma Kengie and Ruby after the finalization

Carter joined in too!

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protector

Such sweetness! This is why I love my big brothers more than most people on earth.

He had to sit right next to her while he watched a movie. He had to have his arm around her. He had to keep kissing her and giving her loves. The most common phrase out of his mouth these days? "Aww, she's so cute!" (Always accompanied by a little giggle of admiration.)

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More of Michigan

We've told you about many miracles and blessings as we've shared Ruby's story with you all. A big part of her story that hasn't been shared the way it should is about the people we met along the way. Of course we have all the love and respect in the world for both Ruby's birth mother, "M" and for M's friend that found our profile and contacted us to see if we were interested in adopting a baby that was being born in Michigan. Words can't express the gratitude and reverence we have for these young women.

There were others who made our journey possible. Our hearts will always have a special spot for the families that allowed us to stay with them, eat with them, talk with them, do our laundry in their washers, etc. We had a home away from home in Michigan for two weeks. The kindness of those families saved us thousands of dollars and the headache of being alone and confused during a very crazy time!

Meet Preston and Marilyn (shown here with baby Ruby at the Ford Museum). Preston and Marilyn were wonderful hosts and we had a lot of fun with them!

We were able to visit both Greenfield Village and the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn.
Preston works at Greenfield Village and saved us even more money by getting us entrance to both places. Both visits were welcome distractions from the wait to return home with Ruby. Here are some pictures from our visit to the Ford Museum. Greenfield Village pics to come.

The first thing you see upon entering the museum -- very impressive!
I really liked the way they deconstructed and layered this old Model T for display.
Of course Shane wanted a picture of this sweet ride.
We took this picture for Carter. Since he's an avid fan of the Disney movie Cars, we thought he'd appreciate seeing his dad standing next to a "Frank"!
The original Wienermobile!

Shane as a hot dog!

They have the actual bus Rosa Parks rode in.

And I got to sit in her seat.

We saw a lot of other very cool stuff at the museum (like the actual chair President Lincoln was assassinated in!) and would highly recommend it to anyone who has the opportunity to visit the lovely state of Michigan! The trees and green everywhere are beautiful and the people there are extremely gracious and friendly, too!

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"She's growing so bigger!" -Carter

pictures taken 9/1/2009

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