***disclaimer***
This post is long. It is the background information we believe you might find interesting and pertinent before you learn of our story of being chosen again. If you feel you have heard it all before, and are close enough to us that we've already shared each detail, please feel free to just glance through or skip this post all together. Okay, here we go.
Our wedding day - August 3, 2001
This story begins much further back than you probably would expect. We had only been married a few months when we first decided adoption was to be the way our family would grow. October 2001 brought hard news and loss of hope completely at first. Hope quickly blossomed again as we felt compelled to and happily pursued beginning the adoption process. Hope was then squashed right out from underneath us again when we learned we must wait until we'd been married two years to begin the adoption process. Two years seems like so much less time now than when we were 21 and 22 and had just begun our life together. Two years seemed eternities away at that point!
Fast-forward to July 2003. I was tired. I got a lot of migraine-type headaches and I felt like I was aging really fast. I'd barely graduated from massage school and passed my national certification exam in between visits to the ER. But my enthusiasm for impending motherhood was not waning! We had our LDS Family Services intake appointment set for the week of our second anniversary (August 3rd).
I followed my cardiologist's advice and set up an appointment with Dr. Laks at UCLA Medical Center to see if he thought my heart might need surgery at some future point. I remember on that trip to California being surprised at how little energy I had. When we went to the beach, I was winded just walking halfway to the water and had to sit down in the sand. I was ready to get out of the heat and go home before long. We went to Disneyland and I only lasted a few hours! I couldn't bear to just leave, so instead we rode all the slow rides and sat a lot in the shade.
Shane and I were both anxious to get back to Utah for our long-awaited appointment at the agency. Then I met Dr. Laks and learned it was imperative I have surgery ASAP, or I might reach the point of congestive heart failure very soon. I was just 22 years old. Our trip was extended to accommodate further testing and appointments at UCLA. Any wind in my sails was gone as I called to cancel our appointment at LDS Family Services. I remember feeling crushed all over again about not getting the righteous desires of my heart -- my enlarged, out of control, holey heart!
A few days after open-heart surgery - December 30, 2003
I had open-heart surgery five months later. As soon as we could, we drove home to Utah. As soon after that as I could get dressed and walk, we set up an appointment for another intake meeting at the agency. I remember still having big dark circles under my eyes and IV bruises in my arms and hands. I would say that 6.5 years later, I am still recovering in a lot of ways, but my clicking mechanical heart valve is a daily reminder of the miracles of modern medicine!
October 2005 - Living in Provo, Utah
Next stop: approximately October 2005. Finally, after years of "waiting,"attending all the agency-sponsored workshops and events we could, and working several part-time jobs each, we managed to scrape together the money to officially turn in our paperwork while we were still college students. We weren't really sure how we would fund the adoption costs from there, but felt peace and knew it was the right time.
With our friend Melanie after Shane's graduation - April 2006
Six months later, in April 2006, Shane graduated and we found ourselves packing up and getting ready to move to AZ, as Shane had accepted a job offer. Between boxes, we took a break to run over to the agency. We were supposed to sign a release allowing our file to be transferred to the LDS Family Services office in Mesa. When we arrived, our caseworker Katherine (the 4th we had been assigned to since our first appointment) broadly grinned as she explained mysteriously that we no longer needed to sign the paperwork. She said that she'd be in touch very soon and sent us on our way. Maybe it's a good thing we were completely occupied with moving at the moment so we didn't go crazy with speculation. It definitely helped that we both felt a great deal of peace about things and knew we didn't need to worry.
We moved on May 2nd. One week later, late in the evening on May 9th, we got the news we'd waited so long for. Within days, we were on our way back to Utah to meet the courageous, loving, beautiful woman who had chosen us to be Carter's parents. We'd prayed for years for her and for this baby. I hold our first face-to-face meeting among the most treasured hours of my life, as I do our brief few minutes with Ruby's birth mother. I have no doubt angels accompanied us on those occasions.
Well, this blog pretty much was born around the time we moved to Arizona, so if you've known us that long, you know the story from there. If we are newer friends, here is the brief summary: We returned to Utah twice that Summer and Carter was born in July. We brought him home to Arizona after ICPC cleared. We were able to go back to Utah a few months later, at Thanksgiving time, for our first visit with Carter's birth mother and her family (as well as spending Thanksgiving with our families, who both happen to live in the same neighborhood in Utah). We have, since then, visited at least once or twice a year with Carter's birth family, when we're in town. Otherwise, we have kept in touch via e-mail, texting, our blog, and occasional calls, packages, and letters. We always try to make sure we send flowers for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day in May. Last year we we able to celebrate Carter's birthday with not only most of our siblings and our parents, but Carter's birth family too! We had so much fun that we're going to celebrate together again this year.
Carter with his birth mom - August 2008
Some people question openness in adoption, but the more we learn and hear about it, the more we are thankful it is an option. We embrace and are grateful for any time we are able to have with Carter's birth mom and birth family. We adore them all! We truly believe more people to love a child is nothing but wonderful. Every situation is different. Every adoptive couple and every birth mother have different expectations and needs. As long as it is a healthy relationship for all, the blessings of adoption just seem to keep coming! I think everyone involved also has to know that as a child grows up in an adoptive family, he or she may express a desire to have more or less contact with a birth family, and that this is all really about the child, so those feelings should be validated and the level of contact should be reevaluated throughout the years to help the child feel comfortable. As long as you go into open adoption knowing that, I think everyone just wants to celebrate that little life as he or she grows and becomes a beautiful child, loved by many, with an amazing story of miracles surrounding his or her birth!
Now we're ready to tell you a little more about baby #3.
Tomorrow.
Our wedding day - August 3, 2001This story begins much further back than you probably would expect. We had only been married a few months when we first decided adoption was to be the way our family would grow. October 2001 brought hard news and loss of hope completely at first. Hope quickly blossomed again as we felt compelled to and happily pursued beginning the adoption process. Hope was then squashed right out from underneath us again when we learned we must wait until we'd been married two years to begin the adoption process. Two years seems like so much less time now than when we were 21 and 22 and had just begun our life together. Two years seemed eternities away at that point!
Fast-forward to July 2003. I was tired. I got a lot of migraine-type headaches and I felt like I was aging really fast. I'd barely graduated from massage school and passed my national certification exam in between visits to the ER. But my enthusiasm for impending motherhood was not waning! We had our LDS Family Services intake appointment set for the week of our second anniversary (August 3rd).
I followed my cardiologist's advice and set up an appointment with Dr. Laks at UCLA Medical Center to see if he thought my heart might need surgery at some future point. I remember on that trip to California being surprised at how little energy I had. When we went to the beach, I was winded just walking halfway to the water and had to sit down in the sand. I was ready to get out of the heat and go home before long. We went to Disneyland and I only lasted a few hours! I couldn't bear to just leave, so instead we rode all the slow rides and sat a lot in the shade.
Shane and I were both anxious to get back to Utah for our long-awaited appointment at the agency. Then I met Dr. Laks and learned it was imperative I have surgery ASAP, or I might reach the point of congestive heart failure very soon. I was just 22 years old. Our trip was extended to accommodate further testing and appointments at UCLA. Any wind in my sails was gone as I called to cancel our appointment at LDS Family Services. I remember feeling crushed all over again about not getting the righteous desires of my heart -- my enlarged, out of control, holey heart!
A few days after open-heart surgery - December 30, 2003I had open-heart surgery five months later. As soon as we could, we drove home to Utah. As soon after that as I could get dressed and walk, we set up an appointment for another intake meeting at the agency. I remember still having big dark circles under my eyes and IV bruises in my arms and hands. I would say that 6.5 years later, I am still recovering in a lot of ways, but my clicking mechanical heart valve is a daily reminder of the miracles of modern medicine!
October 2005 - Living in Provo, UtahNext stop: approximately October 2005. Finally, after years of "waiting,"attending all the agency-sponsored workshops and events we could, and working several part-time jobs each, we managed to scrape together the money to officially turn in our paperwork while we were still college students. We weren't really sure how we would fund the adoption costs from there, but felt peace and knew it was the right time.
With our friend Melanie after Shane's graduation - April 2006Six months later, in April 2006, Shane graduated and we found ourselves packing up and getting ready to move to AZ, as Shane had accepted a job offer. Between boxes, we took a break to run over to the agency. We were supposed to sign a release allowing our file to be transferred to the LDS Family Services office in Mesa. When we arrived, our caseworker Katherine (the 4th we had been assigned to since our first appointment) broadly grinned as she explained mysteriously that we no longer needed to sign the paperwork. She said that she'd be in touch very soon and sent us on our way. Maybe it's a good thing we were completely occupied with moving at the moment so we didn't go crazy with speculation. It definitely helped that we both felt a great deal of peace about things and knew we didn't need to worry.
We moved on May 2nd. One week later, late in the evening on May 9th, we got the news we'd waited so long for. Within days, we were on our way back to Utah to meet the courageous, loving, beautiful woman who had chosen us to be Carter's parents. We'd prayed for years for her and for this baby. I hold our first face-to-face meeting among the most treasured hours of my life, as I do our brief few minutes with Ruby's birth mother. I have no doubt angels accompanied us on those occasions.
Well, this blog pretty much was born around the time we moved to Arizona, so if you've known us that long, you know the story from there. If we are newer friends, here is the brief summary: We returned to Utah twice that Summer and Carter was born in July. We brought him home to Arizona after ICPC cleared. We were able to go back to Utah a few months later, at Thanksgiving time, for our first visit with Carter's birth mother and her family (as well as spending Thanksgiving with our families, who both happen to live in the same neighborhood in Utah). We have, since then, visited at least once or twice a year with Carter's birth family, when we're in town. Otherwise, we have kept in touch via e-mail, texting, our blog, and occasional calls, packages, and letters. We always try to make sure we send flowers for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day in May. Last year we we able to celebrate Carter's birthday with not only most of our siblings and our parents, but Carter's birth family too! We had so much fun that we're going to celebrate together again this year.
Carter with his birth mom - August 2008Some people question openness in adoption, but the more we learn and hear about it, the more we are thankful it is an option. We embrace and are grateful for any time we are able to have with Carter's birth mom and birth family. We adore them all! We truly believe more people to love a child is nothing but wonderful. Every situation is different. Every adoptive couple and every birth mother have different expectations and needs. As long as it is a healthy relationship for all, the blessings of adoption just seem to keep coming! I think everyone involved also has to know that as a child grows up in an adoptive family, he or she may express a desire to have more or less contact with a birth family, and that this is all really about the child, so those feelings should be validated and the level of contact should be reevaluated throughout the years to help the child feel comfortable. As long as you go into open adoption knowing that, I think everyone just wants to celebrate that little life as he or she grows and becomes a beautiful child, loved by many, with an amazing story of miracles surrounding his or her birth!
Now we're ready to tell you a little more about baby #3.
Tomorrow.
2 comments:
I hate waiting! Lol. I'm just too excited to hear the story! I loved hearing the background story though too. :)
I'm excited to read more! (I didn't realize you were married only 3 months after we were... awesome!)
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