Adding a web button is easy.
- For Blogger, log in to your blog dashboard, and click on Design.
- Click "Add a gadget", and choose html/JavaScript.
- Then just Copy-and-paste the code from the box above into the box labeled "Content".
Showing posts with label finding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finding. Show all posts
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tony & Amanda are hoping to adopt
Adding a web button is easy.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Shawn & Alicia are Hoping to Adopt!
We'd love for you to help them in their adoption efforts by adding their adoption button to your own blog.
Adding a web button is easy.
- For Blogger, log in to your blog dashboard, and click on Design.
- Click "Add a gadget", and choose html/JavaScript.
- Then just Copy-and-paste the code from the box above into the box labeled "Content".
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Giveaway! Help Carl & Shay Adopt Another to Love
Our friends Carl & Shay and their boys are excited to welcome another child to their family. Help them spread the word by entering their blog giveaway that's been extended to November 7th!
They are giving away a $30 dining gift card good at Red Lobster/Olive Garden or other Darden Restaurants.
All you have to do is post their adoption button on your blog or website and email them to let them know you did it at anothertolove@gmail.com. Please include a link to your blog.
Adding a web button is easy.
- For Blogger, log in to your blog dashboard, and click on Design.
- Click "Add a gadget", and choose html/JavaScript.
- Then just Copy-and-paste the code from the box below into the box labeled "Content".
You can also enter to win a $10 Cold Stone gift card by helping them spread the word about their giveaway. Get an entry in the Cold Stone giveaway for each of these items that you do:
- Post a link to their giveaway on facebook: http://whaddyashay.blogspot.com/2010/10/dinner-or-dessert-on-us.html
- Make a blog post with a link to their giveaway on your own blog
- Tweet about the giveaway
(anothertolove@gmail.com)
Thanks for your support!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Better Than I
I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
And just when I had given up
The truth is coming clear
For You know Better Than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know Better Than I
If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing, I don't know
Is part of getting through
I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You
For You know Better Than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know Better Than I
I saw one cloud, and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me
Will You teach me?
For You know Better Than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
For You know Better Than I
by John Bucchino
This is one of my all time favorite songs. I remember weeping through it and trying to catch my breath the first time I listened to the lyrics while watching the movie Joseph: King of Dreams. It seems we all need a reminder from time to time that we are in God's hands and that He will never leave us alone. If we find ourselves feeling lonely, it is not because He has turned away. I have always known this truth, but I seem to drift away from it now and then, needing my own reminders occasionally. The most profound of the many lessons I have learned in my life thus far is the one taught here: He does know better than I. He won't always give me what I want when I want it, but He will always bless my life by providing what I need when I need it most.
A few of my favorite versions of this song are by Danny Campbell, Joy Williams, and Jessie Clark Funk.
Below is the clip from Joseph featuring Danny Campbell. Enjoy, my friends.
Monday, June 28, 2010
What everybody wants to know
Me - circa the mid-80'sThis is gonna sound kind of dramatic to some of you, but to others it might totally hit home. Before we were blessed to be parents, I felt sometimes like a human rendition of Swiss cheese -- all holey and empty. I was born to be a mother. Since I was a little girl, I have never wanted to really "be" anything but a momma full-time. I had a roommate in college who got really mad at me one time because she couldn't believe I didn't want anything more for myself that "just to be a mother." Recalling her exact words makes me want to shudder a little. I can't think of anything more difficult than motherhood, but I can't think of anything more rewarding either.
Me with my own mother - circa 1985Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.
-Mildred B. Vermont
When someone who was born to be a mother is forbidden to get pregnant and told that doing so will likely end in fatality, the room begins to spin and voices turn into echos. Hot tears flow. It feels like the world has ended. As with any large trial in life, it feels as though humility clobbers you smack dab in the middle of the forehead, and you crumble to your knees. A coincidence that you end up on your knees? I think not. God's all encompassing grace and love reach out and offer you a hand. Sometimes you take it and sometimes you choose to wallow a while before you decide to get up and take a step into the dark.
While walking the dark path, one step at a time, sometimes there are bright oases of light and warmth that urge you onward. Sometimes, you even see a light in the distance. When journeying along the path of adoption, you might hope eventually to arrive at that light-filled place where miracles happen and dreams come true (or like Katie in the movie Horton Hears a Who describes, "In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.") -- for us that dream place is called parenthood. We're even okay with the fact that the poop won't be butterflies!
Some days, you might decide to stop and ask "are we there yet?" again. You might have to stop for directions. Then, you might finally get to the point where you learn to appreciate the journey, and have joy in it even. For us, that was when we finally seem to get the call, the text, or the e-mail that acts like a road map or sign, letting us know our next stop is finally parenthood! Not only are you full of joy and peace that the darkness might finally be passing, but your heart seems to grow for all the love you now feel for a certain woman who is carrying, or has carried, the child that will be yours. Outside the adoption community, I believe birth parents are sorely misunderstood. I could write volumes about my opinion on the subject. Above all, I want to convey the message that in this space, my space, birth parents are respected and honored and loved. Please respect that. Please know that the women who chose life for their babies and chose Shane and I as their loving parents are our biggest heroes. There are never words enough to thank your child's birth mother, or if given the opportunity, a birth father or extended birth family, in the way they deserve. And in the end, I know they didn't choose adoption for me, but for that baby and how much they loved him or her.
Carter - one week oldWhen Carter was born, it took 15 months before we felt the pull to search for another baby. However, after Ruby was born, we still felt like another baby was on the way. We have enjoyed her stages as she's grown, and we've taken every chance to snuggle and love on her. It's not that we didn't feel the same special bond with her, we just knew our hearts needed to remain open because it was gonna be faster this time. Shane and I had discussed it many times. I would say we've even made more of an effort to love on her now because we felt baby three would come fast. Those feelings we had were right.
Carter meeting Ruby for the first time at the airportJust about two months ago (on the exact day that Ruby turned 9 months old), I contacted CJ's birth grandma, Jolene. I usually try to let her know whenever I am sending something so she knows it's coming. We wanted to have flowers delivered to J for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day, and I wanted to make sure someone would be home when the flowers were going to arrive. We worked it out and I scheduled the delivery (with my favorite Provo flower shop, of course -- love you CCF ladies!).
Later that night, Shane and I were cuddled on the couch together with the kids, just before we put them to bed. Sometimes Carter likes to watch a video of Goodnight Gorilla or How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight? together instead of reading his bedtime story. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and wondered who would be texting. I was surprised to see that it was a message from Jolene. We always love to hear from CJ's birth family, and I was excited to hear from her again so soon after just texting earlier that day. I quickly unlocked my phone and opened the message.
I was humbled, overwhelmed, delighted, and blown-away all at once to learn that our sweet J is pregnant and has decided on making an adoption plan again. She wanted to know if, even though Ruby is still so small, we would be ready to add to our family again before the end of the year! I was moved to tears. I felt my heart swell with love, respect, and again, so much humility that J would consider placing with us again. Shane heard my quiet sob and asked immediately what was the matter. I could hardly get words out, but blurted, "J is pregnant and wants to place with us again!" He just held me tight and we cried together for a minute before I handed him my phone so he could read the message himself. We instantly felt peace and grinned ear-to-ear at one another. We responded right away, explaining what we were feeling and how excited we were. Since then, although I couldn't have imagined it possible, my love has only grown for J. I hope and pray that she knows how truly we love her and always will.
When I was talking on the phone to Jolene shortly thereafter, I tried to describe how humbled we were that Jesse would consider choosing to place with us again. I told her I guess we must have done something right! She responded that we had done way more than something right. My heart melted. Heavenly Father has blessed and guided us along the way. I hope our relationship will only get stronger as we welcome and love this baby, as his or her birth family and adoptive family, together.
And that, my friends, is how we were chosen again so quickly. We decided not to announce until J had been to the doctor and we had a due date to share. Today is the ultrasound and we are so anxious to hear what the baby's gender is. We think about J and baby every day and pray often for them. Carter's prayers are the sweetest. He prays every prayer for J by name, and adds in the baby when he remembers. He talks a lot about when the baby will come and whether it will be a boy or girl. He has already given us his opinion about certain names, too! Ruby became interested in baby dolls on her own by trying to swipe them from other kids, so we bought her a little one from Target that she totes around everywhere now. One day, Carter kept taking Ruby's doll away, and I finally thought to ask him if he wanted a baby doll, too. He got the biggest grin on his face and nodded. After a day of particularly good behavior, we picked him up his own and now they share and love to "help" with the babies.
Thank you for sharing in our excitement as we await this third baby's arrival!
This picture was taken in April 2008. Carter was not yet two years old. If you know Carter at all, you know he never holds still for very long! Imagine what a wonderful surprise it was when he climbed right up on J's lap at our visit and remained there, snuggled in with her on the swing, for a good 10-20 minutes at least. It is a memory I hold very dear.Sunday, June 27, 2010
The Background
***disclaimer***
This post is long. It is the background information we believe you might find interesting and pertinent before you learn of our story of being chosen again. If you feel you have heard it all before, and are close enough to us that we've already shared each detail, please feel free to just glance through or skip this post all together. Okay, here we go.
Our wedding day - August 3, 2001
This story begins much further back than you probably would expect. We had only been married a few months when we first decided adoption was to be the way our family would grow. October 2001 brought hard news and loss of hope completely at first. Hope quickly blossomed again as we felt compelled to and happily pursued beginning the adoption process. Hope was then squashed right out from underneath us again when we learned we must wait until we'd been married two years to begin the adoption process. Two years seems like so much less time now than when we were 21 and 22 and had just begun our life together. Two years seemed eternities away at that point!
Fast-forward to July 2003. I was tired. I got a lot of migraine-type headaches and I felt like I was aging really fast. I'd barely graduated from massage school and passed my national certification exam in between visits to the ER. But my enthusiasm for impending motherhood was not waning! We had our LDS Family Services intake appointment set for the week of our second anniversary (August 3rd).
I followed my cardiologist's advice and set up an appointment with Dr. Laks at UCLA Medical Center to see if he thought my heart might need surgery at some future point. I remember on that trip to California being surprised at how little energy I had. When we went to the beach, I was winded just walking halfway to the water and had to sit down in the sand. I was ready to get out of the heat and go home before long. We went to Disneyland and I only lasted a few hours! I couldn't bear to just leave, so instead we rode all the slow rides and sat a lot in the shade.
Shane and I were both anxious to get back to Utah for our long-awaited appointment at the agency. Then I met Dr. Laks and learned it was imperative I have surgery ASAP, or I might reach the point of congestive heart failure very soon. I was just 22 years old. Our trip was extended to accommodate further testing and appointments at UCLA. Any wind in my sails was gone as I called to cancel our appointment at LDS Family Services. I remember feeling crushed all over again about not getting the righteous desires of my heart -- my enlarged, out of control, holey heart!
A few days after open-heart surgery - December 30, 2003
I had open-heart surgery five months later. As soon as we could, we drove home to Utah. As soon after that as I could get dressed and walk, we set up an appointment for another intake meeting at the agency. I remember still having big dark circles under my eyes and IV bruises in my arms and hands. I would say that 6.5 years later, I am still recovering in a lot of ways, but my clicking mechanical heart valve is a daily reminder of the miracles of modern medicine!
October 2005 - Living in Provo, Utah
Next stop: approximately October 2005. Finally, after years of "waiting,"attending all the agency-sponsored workshops and events we could, and working several part-time jobs each, we managed to scrape together the money to officially turn in our paperwork while we were still college students. We weren't really sure how we would fund the adoption costs from there, but felt peace and knew it was the right time.
With our friend Melanie after Shane's graduation - April 2006
Six months later, in April 2006, Shane graduated and we found ourselves packing up and getting ready to move to AZ, as Shane had accepted a job offer. Between boxes, we took a break to run over to the agency. We were supposed to sign a release allowing our file to be transferred to the LDS Family Services office in Mesa. When we arrived, our caseworker Katherine (the 4th we had been assigned to since our first appointment) broadly grinned as she explained mysteriously that we no longer needed to sign the paperwork. She said that she'd be in touch very soon and sent us on our way. Maybe it's a good thing we were completely occupied with moving at the moment so we didn't go crazy with speculation. It definitely helped that we both felt a great deal of peace about things and knew we didn't need to worry.
We moved on May 2nd. One week later, late in the evening on May 9th, we got the news we'd waited so long for. Within days, we were on our way back to Utah to meet the courageous, loving, beautiful woman who had chosen us to be Carter's parents. We'd prayed for years for her and for this baby. I hold our first face-to-face meeting among the most treasured hours of my life, as I do our brief few minutes with Ruby's birth mother. I have no doubt angels accompanied us on those occasions.
Well, this blog pretty much was born around the time we moved to Arizona, so if you've known us that long, you know the story from there. If we are newer friends, here is the brief summary: We returned to Utah twice that Summer and Carter was born in July. We brought him home to Arizona after ICPC cleared. We were able to go back to Utah a few months later, at Thanksgiving time, for our first visit with Carter's birth mother and her family (as well as spending Thanksgiving with our families, who both happen to live in the same neighborhood in Utah). We have, since then, visited at least once or twice a year with Carter's birth family, when we're in town. Otherwise, we have kept in touch via e-mail, texting, our blog, and occasional calls, packages, and letters. We always try to make sure we send flowers for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day in May. Last year we we able to celebrate Carter's birthday with not only most of our siblings and our parents, but Carter's birth family too! We had so much fun that we're going to celebrate together again this year.
Carter with his birth mom - August 2008
Some people question openness in adoption, but the more we learn and hear about it, the more we are thankful it is an option. We embrace and are grateful for any time we are able to have with Carter's birth mom and birth family. We adore them all! We truly believe more people to love a child is nothing but wonderful. Every situation is different. Every adoptive couple and every birth mother have different expectations and needs. As long as it is a healthy relationship for all, the blessings of adoption just seem to keep coming! I think everyone involved also has to know that as a child grows up in an adoptive family, he or she may express a desire to have more or less contact with a birth family, and that this is all really about the child, so those feelings should be validated and the level of contact should be reevaluated throughout the years to help the child feel comfortable. As long as you go into open adoption knowing that, I think everyone just wants to celebrate that little life as he or she grows and becomes a beautiful child, loved by many, with an amazing story of miracles surrounding his or her birth!
Now we're ready to tell you a little more about baby #3.
Tomorrow.
Our wedding day - August 3, 2001This story begins much further back than you probably would expect. We had only been married a few months when we first decided adoption was to be the way our family would grow. October 2001 brought hard news and loss of hope completely at first. Hope quickly blossomed again as we felt compelled to and happily pursued beginning the adoption process. Hope was then squashed right out from underneath us again when we learned we must wait until we'd been married two years to begin the adoption process. Two years seems like so much less time now than when we were 21 and 22 and had just begun our life together. Two years seemed eternities away at that point!
Fast-forward to July 2003. I was tired. I got a lot of migraine-type headaches and I felt like I was aging really fast. I'd barely graduated from massage school and passed my national certification exam in between visits to the ER. But my enthusiasm for impending motherhood was not waning! We had our LDS Family Services intake appointment set for the week of our second anniversary (August 3rd).
I followed my cardiologist's advice and set up an appointment with Dr. Laks at UCLA Medical Center to see if he thought my heart might need surgery at some future point. I remember on that trip to California being surprised at how little energy I had. When we went to the beach, I was winded just walking halfway to the water and had to sit down in the sand. I was ready to get out of the heat and go home before long. We went to Disneyland and I only lasted a few hours! I couldn't bear to just leave, so instead we rode all the slow rides and sat a lot in the shade.
Shane and I were both anxious to get back to Utah for our long-awaited appointment at the agency. Then I met Dr. Laks and learned it was imperative I have surgery ASAP, or I might reach the point of congestive heart failure very soon. I was just 22 years old. Our trip was extended to accommodate further testing and appointments at UCLA. Any wind in my sails was gone as I called to cancel our appointment at LDS Family Services. I remember feeling crushed all over again about not getting the righteous desires of my heart -- my enlarged, out of control, holey heart!
A few days after open-heart surgery - December 30, 2003I had open-heart surgery five months later. As soon as we could, we drove home to Utah. As soon after that as I could get dressed and walk, we set up an appointment for another intake meeting at the agency. I remember still having big dark circles under my eyes and IV bruises in my arms and hands. I would say that 6.5 years later, I am still recovering in a lot of ways, but my clicking mechanical heart valve is a daily reminder of the miracles of modern medicine!
October 2005 - Living in Provo, UtahNext stop: approximately October 2005. Finally, after years of "waiting,"attending all the agency-sponsored workshops and events we could, and working several part-time jobs each, we managed to scrape together the money to officially turn in our paperwork while we were still college students. We weren't really sure how we would fund the adoption costs from there, but felt peace and knew it was the right time.
With our friend Melanie after Shane's graduation - April 2006Six months later, in April 2006, Shane graduated and we found ourselves packing up and getting ready to move to AZ, as Shane had accepted a job offer. Between boxes, we took a break to run over to the agency. We were supposed to sign a release allowing our file to be transferred to the LDS Family Services office in Mesa. When we arrived, our caseworker Katherine (the 4th we had been assigned to since our first appointment) broadly grinned as she explained mysteriously that we no longer needed to sign the paperwork. She said that she'd be in touch very soon and sent us on our way. Maybe it's a good thing we were completely occupied with moving at the moment so we didn't go crazy with speculation. It definitely helped that we both felt a great deal of peace about things and knew we didn't need to worry.
We moved on May 2nd. One week later, late in the evening on May 9th, we got the news we'd waited so long for. Within days, we were on our way back to Utah to meet the courageous, loving, beautiful woman who had chosen us to be Carter's parents. We'd prayed for years for her and for this baby. I hold our first face-to-face meeting among the most treasured hours of my life, as I do our brief few minutes with Ruby's birth mother. I have no doubt angels accompanied us on those occasions.
Well, this blog pretty much was born around the time we moved to Arizona, so if you've known us that long, you know the story from there. If we are newer friends, here is the brief summary: We returned to Utah twice that Summer and Carter was born in July. We brought him home to Arizona after ICPC cleared. We were able to go back to Utah a few months later, at Thanksgiving time, for our first visit with Carter's birth mother and her family (as well as spending Thanksgiving with our families, who both happen to live in the same neighborhood in Utah). We have, since then, visited at least once or twice a year with Carter's birth family, when we're in town. Otherwise, we have kept in touch via e-mail, texting, our blog, and occasional calls, packages, and letters. We always try to make sure we send flowers for Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day in May. Last year we we able to celebrate Carter's birthday with not only most of our siblings and our parents, but Carter's birth family too! We had so much fun that we're going to celebrate together again this year.
Carter with his birth mom - August 2008Some people question openness in adoption, but the more we learn and hear about it, the more we are thankful it is an option. We embrace and are grateful for any time we are able to have with Carter's birth mom and birth family. We adore them all! We truly believe more people to love a child is nothing but wonderful. Every situation is different. Every adoptive couple and every birth mother have different expectations and needs. As long as it is a healthy relationship for all, the blessings of adoption just seem to keep coming! I think everyone involved also has to know that as a child grows up in an adoptive family, he or she may express a desire to have more or less contact with a birth family, and that this is all really about the child, so those feelings should be validated and the level of contact should be reevaluated throughout the years to help the child feel comfortable. As long as you go into open adoption knowing that, I think everyone just wants to celebrate that little life as he or she grows and becomes a beautiful child, loved by many, with an amazing story of miracles surrounding his or her birth!
Now we're ready to tell you a little more about baby #3.
Tomorrow.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
The Luckiest
The number one question everyone has for us right now seems to be how we were chosen so fast again. Ruby is just 10 months old! The babies will be only 15 months apart. I know! Before I tell you all the story of how we came to be "expecting" another angel baby so soon, I want to share something with you that Shane and I have been really thinking a lot about. I just read an amazing post this week on my friend Emrie's blog. I'd like to share a small bit of it with you (I hope you don't mind, Emrie!). I've been thinking about it a lot. I think she put it so beautifully, so simply. Emrie and her husband, Luke, just had their fourth placement...in four years!!! Emrie really put my current feelings into words so well:
I don’t know why we have been so blessed to have our kids join us so quick. We’re a little of an anomaly in the adoption community. We have so many friends that have been searching for their kids for years while we’ve been placed with 4 in the last 4 years. I’m overcome with joy for our beautiful spirits and their courageous birth moms. I know that these children were meant to find us. I know that we never stopped working to find them. I also have the faith that you will find yours if you continue to search for them.
Even though we looked far longer for Carter and for Ruby than we have this time around for this baby, I feel the same way, and here we are on our way to having three children, four and under! We wanted to adopt the first time for nearly 5 years, from the time we made the decision until Carter was placed with us by his loving birth mother. We began our search for Ruby when Carter was 15 months old. It took 22 months, a failed match, and several possible situations coming up and falling through until we received that amazing call last August 6th that Ruby was being born! I feel blessed beyond measure, giddy with excitement that this time around we have been chosen before we've even officially started the "finding" process again (although we have remained certified for the last 5 years straight just in case).
That said, as we celebrate, so many couples are still hoping for their first child, or maybe their second or third, and we ache a little as we share our good news for those still searching. We sincerely hope you all know we love you and pray for you. We tell people about you and that you are hoping to adopt. We share your pass along cards any chance we get. We keep them in the car, in our wallets and bags, just in case. We think of you often. We put your names on the temple prayer rolls. We add "Baby (your last name) and birth mother" and we really hope your dreams will come true soon. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but we have felt the pain and ache of empty arms. We talk about what you must be going through and try to think of ways we might be helpful. Please know that we don't mean any pain as we announce this joyous news. We can't wait to rejoice with you when the time comes!
Each of us has our own path. Each journey is unique. Something as sensitive and personal as wanting to become a parent when it seems like the cards are stacked against us is SO HARD. There are feelings of comparison, judgment, confusion, inadequacy, unrighteousness, etc, etc. Just because one couple is chosen in a month and one couple still isn't chosen after years, there should never be fear of judgment of that longer-waiting couple's worthiness or desire. Those feelings never come from Father. He wants dearly for us to have those righteous desires, but knows our timing is based on limited vision. He won't give us what we want in our timing when we knows what we need in His!
All I really know is that our loving Father in Heaven knows what we need. He will provide what we need when we need it. That doesn't always seem to coincide with what we want when we want it! The minute my peaceful newborn son Carter was placed in my arms, I felt all my years of pain melt away, and for a moment I saw with perfect clarity that His hand was clearly there through all my trials of the previous five long years! It all suddenly made sense and I realized a tremendous foundation had been carefully constructed for that moment -- that beautiful, most sacred moment in a corner hospital classroom.
I shared a passage from Kerstin Daynes' book, Infertility: Help, Hope, and Healing, in my Change of Heart post last week. LOVE that book! I have underlined nearly. every. word. of the first six chapters. I'm not exaggerating! I wish I would have gotten this book as a wedding present! ;) Seriously though, if only I could have known I was not alone, that I was not a failure as a wife and as a woman. I wish I had been able to learn those essential things earlier on that I have learned...but now that I know how my story is turning out, I wouldn't have it any other way. Father has blessed my life with so many opportunities for growth that have prepared me for motherhood and for the chance to serve others.
In summary, I know I am lucky. I know I am blessed. I am FULL of gratitude and humility. I know Shane is too. We've discussed this topic at length and really worried about hurting feelings with this announcement. Thank you for sharing our happy moments with us! I want to share part of the lyrics from a certain song. They are on my mind as I write this tonight.
In summary, I know I am lucky. I know I am blessed. I am FULL of gratitude and humility. I know Shane is too. We've discussed this topic at length and really worried about hurting feelings with this announcement. Thank you for sharing our happy moments with us! I want to share part of the lyrics from a certain song. They are on my mind as I write this tonight.
The Luckiest
by Ben Folds Five
I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am
I am The luckiest
Carter Jesse, about one week old
by Ben Folds Five
I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am
I am The luckiest
Carter Jesse, about one week oldSaturday, December 19, 2009
Our Little Secrets: The Design Loft
As a couple building our eternal family through the miracle that is adoption, we try to do everything we can to make sure we find the children that are meant for our family. We want to open doors, as many as possible, through which our child's birth family may discover us. One way to do that is through pass-along cards and/or pamphlets. They are easily shared with family members and friends who then share them with anyone they can. We wanted to share with you one of our little secrets in this process...The Design Loft.
Cynthia at The Design Loft designed these beautiful pamphlets and pass-along cards for our adoption efforts and we could not have been more pleased. We were chosen before we had the pamphlets printed, but many who received those pass-along cards in our Christmas cards last year commented on how great they looked. She made the process so simple, straight-forward and affordable. Just wanted to share with any of our hopeful adoptive friends this great resource!
Check out http://thedesignloft.blogspot.com/, http://thedesignloftonline.com/ or contact Cynthia (cynthia@thedesignloftonline.com) with any questions you might have today!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Finding Friday - Part 3: Pass-Along Cards
Before I start, I'll reiterate the love and respect we feel for our children's birth mothers, and for the many birth mothers we've met along our adoption journey. The purpose of these efforts in "finding" is to help make a connection with an expectant mother who has chosen to place her child for adoption, not to pressure or judge any woman who has found herself in the difficult position of an unexpected pregnancy. Choosing between adoption and single parenting is a very personal and sacred decision in our eyes.
Finding Friday - Part 3: Pass-Along Cards
In Finding Friday part 1 I talked about letting all your friends and family know that you are certified to adopt through an email blitz and/or a holiday newsletter. This is a great first step, and probably the most important.
Getting yourselves online (see part 2) by setting up your online agency profile, as well as an adoption website or blog is also essential. Having information about yourselves online makes it easy for people to pass on your information, and allows a prospective birth family to find out a little about you without the need to contact you first.
It can also be helpful to set up a non-identifying email address specifically for adoption. We chose an address that doesn't include our last names, and most email accounts let you change the settings so that your last name doesn't show up in emails you send out. We have no problem sharing our names, email addresses, cell phone numbers, etc. with our children's birth mothers, but we are careful about what we make available to the whole world.
We also set up an 800 number through Kall8.com so that anyone can contact us from any phone - even a pay phone. We don't have our number posted online for privacy reasons and to avoid prank calls, but having an 800 number played a crucial role in Ruby's adoption and we were so glad we had one set up.
Pass-Along Cards
Once you have a variety of ways in place for people to contact you, pass-along cards are a great way to spread the word that you are hoping to adopt. We included our adoption website, email address, and agency online profile. You could also include your 800 number. We loved our cards designed by spacesforfaces.com for our cards, and weve heard of others using vistaprint.com.
You can pass these cards out everywhere you go. We included a few in each of the Christmas newsletters we sent out so our friends and family can have them handy if they hear of an expectant mother considering adoption.
You can leave them with your check at restaurants. I've left them at bus stops/bus seats, redbox kiosks, gas pumps, rest stops, and in free newspaper boxes. We never had a contact come from leaving them at these random places, but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen, and we wanted to open any doors we could.
You can also ask to post them on bulletin boards at libraries, grocery stores, laundromats, apartments, cafes, car washes, etc. Leave some with your health care professionals - OB/GYN, pediatrician, dentist, etc. Hair dressers are great resources as well (Here is an example of a recent successful placement involving a hair stylist and pass-along cards). Get creative! At around 5 cents a piece for your cards, it's not a big investment to spread them around.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Finding Friday - Part 2: Adoption Online
(if you missed part 1, you can find it here)
Again, I will preface this Finding Friday post with the disclaimer that we have great respect for the sacrifice that birth mothers make in choosing adoption. It is not a decision that is taken lightly and it is not our place to look at any expectant mother considering adoption and say we know whether adoption or parenting is the right choice for her.
Our intent is to give hopeful adoptive couples resources that can help them make a connection with a birth mother who has chosen adoption. A connection that will result in a miracle that blesses their family with a child that they have been longing for. This is what we mean by "finding".
Finding Friday - Part 2: Adoption Online
Online profile through your agency: We worked with LDS Family Services for our 2 adoptions, and they include an online profile for all their adoptive couples. I believe most agencies offer a similar service. Take advantage of this as it is one of the simplest ways to make yourselves accessible online. Here are some tips for online profiles:One thing I can't emphasize enough is: Do not make statements you may not follow through on - especially regarding openness. Adoptive couples who present themselves as being comfortable with an open adoption and choose to cut off communication after placement hurt the perception of adoptive couples and and the perception of adoption in general.
Adoption Blog or Website: In addition to the online profile offered through your agency, many couples choose to set up a dedicated adoption blog or website. Family blogs are great for your friends and family to keep up with you, but they don't necessarily make it easy for someone who knows nothing about you to find out about you. There are endless possibilities of what you could include, but we'll give you a few recommendations:
Make an adoption web button: This is a graphical link to your website, blog, or online agency profile. A web button makes it easy for friends and family to promote your adoption efforts by putting a picture on their own blogs that links to your adoption site. I've put together a tutorial here. You can also see a few examples, as well as the "copy and paste" field for our button towards the bottom left of this page.I know this is a small post for a big topic, so send us a comment if there is anything specific you'd like help or more information on from this post. Stick with it!
Friday, November 06, 2009
Finding Friday - Part 1: Getting Started
Any couple hoping to adopt can tell you that waiting to be chosen is no picnic. More couples are waiting to adopt than ever before, and fewer expectant mothers are choosing adoption. Both the choice to adopt and to place a child for adoption are deeply personal decisions. We don't pretend that, for a given situation, we know what the right choice is for anyone other than ourselves. We can tell you statistically though that less than 1% of unwed pregnancies result in an adoption and over 1/3 of unwed pregnancies end in abortion. Every successful adoption is a miracle in our eyes.
The above combination of facts leads to many couples waiting years for a successful placement. Because of this, many hopeful adoptive couples are doing a lot on their own in an effort to facilitate being matched with an expectant mother who has chosen to place her child for adoption. Each Friday this month, we'll be presenting ideas that can help adoptive parents make the connection that will lead to their own adoption miracle.
Finding Friday -Part 1: Getting Started
Your end goals:
- To have as many people as possible know you are currently hoping to adopt. At any time, they should know where to find information about you and how to contact you.
- To positively promote adoption in general.
In addition, some couples don't feel comfortable with the concept of "marketing" themselves. If you don't feel comfortable promoting yourselves, just promote adoption in general. (side note: We personally believe that much of the negativity associated with adoption in the past was likely due to the secrecy and shame associated with both out of wedlock pregnancy and infertility.)
Here are some of the easiest things to do to get started:
- E-mail blitz - Send an e-mail out to everyone you know explaining that you are certified to adopt and excited for your family to grow through adoption. Do this as soon as you are certified to adopt, and at least twice a year or quarterly after that.
- E-mail signature - Go into the settings on your email account to create an e-mail signature - something that will show up at the bottom of every e-mail you send. You can include a link to your online adoption profile or blog. Here is our e-mail signature as an example:
--
Adoption... It's about LOVE!
http://www.meganandshane.com
http://www.itsaboutlove.org
"We look at adoption as a very sacred exchange. It was not done lightly on either side." - Jaime Lee Curtis, Adoptive Mother
- Christmas Cards - You send them out every year anyway. Mention your plans to adopt and insert a small card with your contact info that your friends and family can keep handy if they hear of an expectant mother considering adoption.
Stay tuned next Friday for more finding fun!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Ruby's Adoption Step By Step
Some of you are familiar with adoption, while many are not. To satisfy curiosities and answer a few common questions, here is a time line of significant events on the road to Ruby's placment with our family.
- July 2007 - Carter turned one year old. Our agency recommends, but does not require, that you wait until your youngest child is a year old before applying for an adoption. We fully intended to apply again as soon as Carter turned one, but for whatever reason, his birthday came and went and we felt it was not quite time yet.
- October 2007 - Renewed our adoption certification with the state of Arizona.
- November 2007 - Updated and completed our paperwork with LDS Family Services. We were approved to adopt again and our online profile went live.
- November 2007-November 2008 - We started our "finding efforts" to make a connection with the birth mother that would place our next child with us. In the meantime, Carter turned two in July of 2008.
- December 5, 2008 - After 13 months of waiting, we received a contact from a beautiful young woman who was 5 months pregnant asking how we felt about openness in adoption (i.e. contact with the birth mother after placement. Hint: We're all for it!)
- December 10, 2008 - She announced to us that she wanted to place her baby with us that was due in April.
- December 15th 2008 - We met her in person and got to know each other.
- December 2008-January 2009 - We kept in contact via email/texting and met with her again. She also called to tell us she was having a boy!
- January 18, 2009 - She told us that she had been struggling with her decision and had decided to parent her son. We were heartbroken that we would again have to wait to be chosen, but expressed our love to her and kept in contact off and on after that. We still have a lot of love and respect for her and pray often for her and her son.
- January 2009-July 2009 (7 months)- We increased our finding efforts and started using Parent Profiles, a paid service to help match couples and birth mothers online. We also started advertising our adoption website on popular blogs Megan had been following.
- July 2009 - Carter turned three and we celebrated his birthday in Utah with his birth family along with our immediate and extended family. We had been approved and waiting for 21 months at this point.
- August 6, 2009 - Megan received the phone call that Ruby's birth mother was in labor in Michigan and within an hour we heard directly from Ruby's birth mom and found out she wanted to place with us. Ruby was born that night.
- August 7, 2009 - We left Carter with Shane's aunt and uncle (thanks Acacia and Brittney for also helping with Carter this day!). We arrived in Michigan and briefly met Ruby's birth mother at the hospital. We learned that she had named Ruby "Jane Lyn" and decided we wanted to use one of those names for Ruby's middle name. We met Ruby for the first time and spent three hours taking turns holding her before we realized we hadn't eaten all day and needed to find a place to stay for the night. Our case worker in MI helped us get to a hotel near the hospital called "The Pink Palace" and then we took the hotel shuttle back to the hospital to see Ruby again for as long as we could until just before the hotel shuttle was stopping service for the night.
- August 8, 2009 - We spent the day at the hospital with Ruby and took turns going down to the hospital cafeteria for meals. On the way back to the hotel that night, we had the shuttle driver take us to Target to get some baby supplies and cute little girl clothes!
- August 9, 2009 - We went to church (there was a church building really close to the hospital) and the ward found us a home to stay in within walking distance from the hospital. Our hostess rushed us to the hotel after church to check out before they could charge us for another night and we made it by the skin of our teeth! We can't even begin to count the miracles involved here. Our hostess was such an angel to us in so many ways! Way too many coincidences here to just be coincidences! After picking up our luggage at the hotel, we spent the rest of the day with Ruby in the hospital. The hospital was able to give us a room to be in with Ruby for the first time. It was so peaceful to just be the three of us in a quiet room all afternoon and evening. We walked back to the house we were staying in and got some sleep, joyfully looking forward to Ruby's release from the hospital the following day.
- August 10, 2009 - We spent the entire day at the hospital anticipating Ruby's release. An irregular heart rate was detected, so Ruby had extra testing and we had to speak with a cardiologist before finally being discharged around 5:00 that evening. Ruby's birth mother signed Arizona relinquishment documents terminating her parental rights just before Ruby was released from the hospital. Normally, she would have signed Michigan documents, but chose to use Arizona law in this case. Every state has different adoption laws. For Arizona, the relinquishment is irrevocable at signing. Some states allow days, weeks, or months following signing for the birth mother to change her mind and parent her child. The hospital discharged Ruby directly to us. We went to the agency and signed our portion of the placement papers.
- August 11, 2009 - The agency sent all the papers overnight to the Michigan ICPC office (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children). Both Arizona and Michigan ICPC would need to give us approval to take Ruby home.
- August 12, 2009 - Michigan received the paperwork. We went to stay with another wonderful and extremely generous host family. More miracles every day!
- August 13, 2009 - Michigan cleared us and sent the papers overnight to Arizona.
- August 14, 2009 - Arizona received the papers after 2pm. Because of the time difference, the Michigan office was closed and couldn't answer questions Arizona had.
- August 17-20, 2009 - Arizona ICPC, Michigan ICPC, Arizona LDS Family Services and Michigan LDS Family Services went back and forth for days until Arizona ICPC was satisfied with the documentation they had. They cleared us to return home.
- August 21, 2009 - We returned home and Carter finally got to meet his 15-day-old baby sister! Tears of joy at the airport!
- February 2010 - In Arizona, approximately six months after placement, we can finalize the adoption in Arizona court. During this time, our case worker will make supervisory visits to ensure that Ruby is happy, healthy, and thriving in our home. Following finalization, from a legal perspective, it is the same as if Ruby was born to us. She will get a birth certificate with the name we have chosen and listing us as her parents. She can also get a Social Security Number at this point. We will then be able to bless her in church and have her sealed to our family as our daughter in the LDS temple in Mesa, Arizona. (If you have any questions about this, we'd love to answer them!)
Monday, June 22, 2009
Broken System?
Last week I stumbled across a sibling group of two adorable brothers (age one and three) on a "waiting children" photolisting online. I was pulled in as I saw their picture and after talking to hubby about it and getting a very positive response from him, I sent in an inquiry via the contact form on the state website where we had found the boys' profile. I would normally just have waited at that point to see if I heard back fromt he boys' caseworker. However, the website said they would only be accepting home studies through Monday June 22, 2009 at 4:30 pm. I knew that we'd have to get ours sent right away, so I only gave it one day before I called the worker. No answer...then the voicemail picked up but said the inbox was full so I couldn't leave a message. I tried back several times that day and the next with no success, so I finally contacted the supervisor of the worker (her name and number were included in the voicemail message).
It took a few days and several more calls before I actually heard back from the worker. She asked me to tell her about our family and to start by telling her who was in our family. I explained that my hubby is 29, I am 28, and we have a son that we adopted as an infant that will be three next month. Without hearing ANYTHING else about us, she said young children tend to vie for attention. I agreed. My husband and I have served in the nursery at church on and off through our eight years of marriage. In nursery, we tend the group of about 10-20 18-month to three-year-old children for two hours each Sunday. I kind of chuckled to myself about how well I knew that young children "vie for attention." I waited to hear what her next question would be. Instead I simply heard her say that since we already had a young child we probably wouldn't be a good match for these boys seeing as how they would all want attention. It took me a moment to realize she was done with me.
I was dumbfounded to say the least. I literally was speechless. All I knew to do was to politely thank the worker for calling and hang up feeling like my stomach had wedged itself up inside of my throat. I began to think about all the things I should have said. Maybe something like this:
"Is there a specific reason these kids would struggle with another young child in the home beyond regular kid stuff?" Or maybe "Um, with all due respect, I don't agree that just because we have a toddler already we should be excluded from consideration. Is there something you aren't telling me? Do these boys have specific needs that require them not to have another similarly-aged sibling?"
When I told Shane, he was mad too. He said something like, "So pretty much it sounds like a broken system. We keep hearing that kids need us, but when we inquire about them we are shut down and ignored. Are they really making this about the kids?"
I've been stewing for a few days now. I can't stop thinking about the boys today. Home studies had to be in three hours ago. I think I have finally come up with what I really want to tell the worker. I hope you don't mind me venting it to you:
How about, "Well, wouldn't you like to learn a bit more about us before you so hastily judge us? My husband has 10 siblings, I have five, and we have dozens of nieces and nephews we have grown up loving and taking care of. Oh, and both of us come from not only big but also happy stable families. Don't get me wrong, we have problems like everyone else, but we understand that it's about love, not perfection. In addition to our son, five more children have been adopted by three of our siblings. All of these adoptions have brought children of different backgrounds into our home and we absolutely respect and celebrate those children and their heritage. Even my father-in-law is an adoptee and understands and expresses gratitude for the love of a family who took him in as a teenager and has never looked back with anything but love and acceptance.
"I babysat almost every weekend of my life between the ages of 10 and 21. So did my husband. When we were dating in college, he still stayed home with six of his younger siblings one weekend night a week so his parents could go out. In fact, that was what we for did our second date -- hung out with his siblings. He rocked and sung his little sister to sleep that night and I fell for him a little more because of it.
"My majors in college were Marriage, Family, and Human Development and Home and Family Living. Shane took several of my classes with me (Marriage Enhancement, Child Development, Strengthening Families, etc.) so that we could be on the same page as a partnership in parenting. Shane majored in Elecrical Engineering and has a minor in Spanish. He can speak and write fluently. He has a great job and I am able to stay home to be a momma, all I've ever wanted to be. While waiting for our opportunity to be blessed with children, we volunteered and worked as weekend house parents at a children's crisis nursery. We worked as foster and adoption respite care providers, got calls from CPS and took in children who had just been removed from their homes and some who had to be "detoxed" at the hospital because they were removed from meth houses. We spent nights tending kids who were potty training, throwing up, acting out, scared, sad, and lonely. There were children with disabilities, children who screamed or cried for hours at a time, children who needed constant one-on-one undivided attention to be manageable, children who stole and hoarded food because they knew what it was like to really be starving, and there were children who had been abused. We cared for up to 10 children at any given time of day or night and did just fine, all by ourselves. We had to say good-bye to kids who begged us not to go, who had no "home" to speak of and had become attached to us. They are the reason we decided we needed to look at waiting children in the first place. When I went home crying, wanting to take these kids home and care for them myself, I knew it would be painful, but that I would one day be a foster parent.
"Do you still think we might not be able to handle three young kids?"
What do you think? Should I have said something to her?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Our New Adoption Pass Along Cards
We just had new pass along cards printed through the fabulous Spaces for Faces and are very excited about them! Please leave a comment if we can send you some to keep on hand. Remember, 70% of adoptive placements at our agency come from friends and family members courageously spreading the word and helping to make a connection between a hopeful adoptive family and someone with an unplanned pregnancy who may be considering adoption.I get chills when I read stories like this. And this one melts me. You can be a part of our miracle!
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